


Let me help you

by imsorryimlate



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-03 19:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/701659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsorryimlate/pseuds/imsorryimlate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall is trapped in a state of emotion he doesn’t recognize, he’s stressed out and he really needs someone to talk to. His friends aren’t there for him, but it seems like someone else is; the helpful stranger with the kind, brown eyes that Niall keeps running into all the time…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The schools that the boys are going to are completely made up. And the boys ages are around 19-21 somewhere around there

Niall walked down the streets of London, hands buried deep into the pockets of his hoodie. He was looking at the ground, watching his shoes, counting the cracks in the pavement. He didn’t hum like he used to, he was just quiet. It felt like his lips had been glued together and he wasn’t going to talk again, ever. He wished that he could say he was sad, that there was an aching hole in his chest where his heart should be. But it wasn’t true, his emotions were just dulled. He hadn’t been feeling anything for weeks; every smile died on his lips, every laugh got strangled in his throat and no tears would fall, they just stayed inside of his head and causing a pounding pain behind his forehead. He just wanted to feel something, he didn’t care what. He had been standing in the bathroom with Louis’ razors in his hands many times, but he had never cut himself. He couldn’t bring himself to do it, that just wasn’t him.

Niall suddenly bumped into someone and was knocked to the ground.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” A male voice said and a hand was stretched out towards him. “Here, let me help you.”  The man offered when Niall didn’t take his hand. Niall hurriedly placed his hand in the stranger’s and felt how warm, soft and smooth his skin was. The stranger pulled him on his feet and Niall could finally see what the stranger looked like. He was tall, young and had brown hair, matching with the kindest chocolate colored eyes Niall had ever seen.

“I’m sorry; I should watch were I’m going.” Niall apologized.

“It wasn’t me who bit the pavement, was it?” The stranger smiled.

“Um, no… uh, thank you, for helping me up.” Niall mumbled, obviously shy.

“No problem. Well, take care, mate!” The stranger beamed and turned around to keep walking. Niall looked after him for a few seconds before he disappeared into the crowd, then Niall kept going as well.

~~~

Niall met the stranger again only two days later: 

He, Zayn, Louis and Harry were at their favorite café, and his three friends had pushed their money into his hands, urging him to go get them their favorite coffees. He had obeyed, of course; he didn’t want to seem like an asshole. That didn’t mean that he enjoyed trying to get the four cups from the counter to their table; the café didn’t have any trays and none of his friends came to help him. He was beginning to get frustrated, and was torn between being happy because he was feeling something, or smashing the cups against the floor and sit down to cry amongst the shards. He was truly pathetic.

“You look like you could need a hand.” A warm voice sounded from behind him and Niall turned around quickly, immediately recognizing the stranger with the kind eyes. “Let me help you.” The stranger said and Niall nodded, grabbing two of the cups. The stranger did the same and followed Niall back to his table. 

Niall’s three friends quieted down when he and the stranger appeared at their table.

“Thank you.” Niall mumbled (why did he always mumble when he talked to this stranger?).

“No problem.” The stranger smiled sweetly and put the two cups down on the table. Niall noticed how good-looking this stranger was, but sadly it didn’t affect him. Barely any of his feelings hadn’t returned yet, and those few that had, he didn’t want.

Niall expected some sort of goodbye, maybe a ‘see you around’ or ‘take care’, but the stranger only turned and walked back to the counter to order an take-with-you-coffee and disappeared out the door.

“Who was that?” Harry asked and Niall shrugged.

“Helpful stranger.” He said and for a moment he let his mind wander to the stranger’s beautiful, kind eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Niall sighed as the hot water ran over his skin. If it was possible to marry your shower, then Niall probably would. The door suddenly opened, and Niall stuck his head out from the shower curtain.

 

“Yeah?” He asked when spotted Louis through the fog in the bathroom.

 

“Could you go and buy some groceries when you get out of the shower?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Great. The list is on the table.” Louis informed him before leaving the bathroom.

 

Niall rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, which caused wisps of blonde locks get caught between his fingers. He quickly washed the wisps down the drain, but with the amount of hair he had been losing over the past weeks he was surprised the drainpipes hadn’t clogged yet.

 

Later, when he was at the grocery store, it felt like the whole world was mocking him; there were commercials for shampoo with models with shiny hair all over the store, and every person who walked past him seemed to have the most perfect hair ever. And all that Niall could think about was that he was going bald. He quickly gathered the groceries and paid for them; there was enough to fill two plastic bags. Niall took one bag in either hand and walked outside. To his annoyance it was raining outside and it usually took almost half an hour to walk back to his dorm room. He didn’t mind to walk when it was clear and the autumn sun warmed his face, like it had been when he had walked here, but now he felt like throwing himself on the street and just get run over by all the racing cars. He didn’t, because normally he wasn’t suicidal, it was just his not-feeling-anything-but-sad-mood that got to him. He therefore decided to take the tube; the tube carriage would probably be pretty warm with all the people in there.

 

There was a lot of people in there when Niall entered, but one person in particular caught his eye; the helpful stranger. Niall had obviously caught the stranger’s eye too, because the guy smiled and waved him over. He didn’t hesitate and made his way over to stand beside the stranger.

 

“This is getting ridiculous. If we are going to keep running into each other, we should at least introduce ourselves.” The stranger said and smiled widely. Niall smiled back, and it felt like it was the first time he had smiled in years.

 

“I’m Liam.” The stranger said and reached out a hand for Niall to shake.

 

“I’m Niall.” Niall lifted his plastic bags a little to show that he couldn’t accept Liam’s handshake.

 

“Oh, you’ve been shopping! Where are you’re heading back to, your flat?” Liam asked.

 

“Dorm.” Niall corrected.

 

“What school do you go to?”

 

“Westville University, you?” Niall was actually a bit curious about this boy.

 

“Saint Martin’s.” Liam smiled.

 

“Catholic school?” Niall asked surprised.

 

“It used to be, yes, but not anymore.” Liam leaned forward a little. “But it still counts as one of the  _nicer_  schools, if you know what I mean.” He said lowly so that only Niall could hear.

 

“Yeah, I know. Westville on the other hand…” Niall trailed off.

 

“Not as nice?” Liam asked and Niall shook his head to confirm it. Niall looked out the window and saw that next stop was his.

 

“Well, this is me.” He said and started to make his way towards the door.

 

“Me too.” Liam said from behind him and Niall couldn’t help but get startled by his sudden presence. He quickly made his way out of the tube and up to the busy streets of London. The sky had already started to grow dark and it was even colder than before. Liam had been following Niall up, but he hadn’t said anything, which Niall was actually grateful for. He wasn’t really up for more small talk right now, because it seemed like he had lost all desire to get to know people nowadays. It was a bit weird, since he used to be pretty outgoing before.

 

A woman bumped into him and made him drop one of his plastic bags; the groceries scattered across the dirty pavement. And like at the café, Niall just felt like sit down and cry, because  _nothing_ went in his favor. He kneeled to the ground and started to put the groceries back into his bag, ignoring all the people that almost stepped on him and told him to  _get the fuck out of the way._

 

“Wait, let me help you.” Liam said and kneeled beside Niall to help him. Niall looked up and watched Liam’s beautiful face, his stunning eyes, his perfect hair… Why was he being so nice to him? No one had ever offered to help Niall so many times, and he barely even knew Liam. He didn’t even know his last name!

And that’s when Liam’s kindness was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Niall started to cry like a baby in the middle of the street, for the first time in weeks, and it felt like he would never stop. Big, heavy teardrops splashed out of his eyes and they landed on his cheeks, on the street, in his mouth – they even got stuck in his eyelashes!

 

“Niall? Oh my God, are you okay?!” Liam asked and put a hand on Niall’s shoulder. Niall didn’t know if Liam was okay with it, but he threw himself on the brunette and sobbed loudly into his chest. Liam was shocked at first, but then he put his strong arms around Niall’s body and held him tight.

 

“What’s wrong Niall?” Liam asked softly and Niall just wanted to scream ‘everything’ from the top of his lungs, but  _nothing really was wrong._  So he told Liam the first thing that came in mind:

 

“My ha-air i-is falling o-off!” He cried and pushed his face into Liam’s black, now damp, hoodie.

 

“Oh!” Liam tightened his grip around Niall, but this wasn’t really the right place to do this; people were staring at them. He cupped Niall’s face and forced the blonde boy to look at him. “Niall, listen to me; we gather your groceries and then you come with me to my flat and we’ll drink some tea, okay? Sounds good?” Niall nodded and let go of Liam to put the groceries back into the plastic bag. When they stood up again Liam wrapped his arm around Niall’s shoulders.

 

“Come on, I don’t live far away.” He soothed and started to steer Niall in the direction of his flat. Niall felt the warmth of Liam’s arm around him and he felt safe, like someone actually  _cared_  about him. So he pressed himself tighter into Liam’s side and prayed that Liam would never let go.


	3. Chapter 3

Liam placed a steaming cup of tea in front of Niall, who was sitting at the dark wooden table and had been watching Liam when he prepared the drink. Liam sat down across from him and offered him a small smile.

 

“Thank you.” Niall whispered.

 

“No problem.” Liam said and took a sip of his own tea. “Now, tell me; your hair is falling off?” He asked and Niall nodded silently. “Do you have any idea of why?”

 

“I think it might be the stress. I’ve been really stressed lately; trying to catch up with missed school work…”

 

“Missed school work? It’s September; the school just started!”

 

“It’s  _the end_  of September.” Niall pointed out.

 

“It’s still September, but that’s beside the point. How can you have missed any school work?”

 

“I skipped class.” Niall admitted.

 

“Why?”

 

“Shit happened.” Niall shrugged.

 

“Niall… what happened?”

 

“It’s nothing important.”

 

“Tell me.” Liam commanded, and Niall looked down in his lap.

 

“I just fell down the stairs and hit my head pretty badly, so I missed class because I stayed in my dorm to sleep.”

 

“You fell down the stairs?!  _Please_  tell me that your friends took you to the hospital.”

 

“No, they took me to our dorm and told me to ‘sleep it off’.”

 

“Niall, are you crazy?!”

 

“Louis’ mom is a nurse; he knew what he was doing.”

 

“Did he call his mom?”

 

“No, but-“

 

“Oh my God… You could have gotten serious injures!”

 

“Well, I kinda did…”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“If I tell you something, can you promise to keep it a secret?”

 

“Of course!”

 

“I… There’s no… I’m not…” Niall took a deep breath and started again. “I can’t feel.” Liam stared blankly at him. “Or, I do feel, but all my emotions are dulled.” When Liam didn’t say anything Niall licked his lips nervously and continued. “There are no sharp emotions that I used to have, and I feel like a gray cloud of indifference. The only feeling that has come back is sadness, but it’s dulled too… I don’t even know how to explain it; I’m just numb.”

 

“Niall, that’s nothing to be worried about.” Liam assured him. “You hurt your brain; your body isn’t focusing on  _feeling_ , it’s focusing on  _healing._  It might even still be in physical shock.”

 

“But what if I never feel again?” Niall’s voice raised an octave, filled with worry. Liam reached over the table and placed a hand on Niall’s shoulder.

 

“You will, it’s just going to take a while. Trust me.”

 

“I do trust you.” Niall said without thinking about it, then blushed slightly.

 

“That’s good.” Liam said with a smile and squeezed Niall’s shoulder lightly.

 

They drank their tea in a comfortable silence. But when Niall glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall and saw that it was just after eleven at night, he realized that maybe it was time to go home. Besides, he hadn’t brought his iphone with him and his friends were probably worried.

 

“I should probably head home. Thanks for the tea.”

 

“You’re welcome.” Liam followed him to the front door. “Do you need me to follow you?”

 

“No, it’s fine. Thanks though.” Niall smiled a little and Liam returned it with a wide grin.

 

“Be careful, Niall. You hit your head, and now you’re stressed out… You have to remember to take a moment for yourself sometimes.”

 

“I don’t know how.” Niall confessed and bit his lip.

 

“Well then,” Liam wrapped his arm around Niall again, “let me help you.”

~~~

Niall closed the front door as quietly as he could, but he understood that it was of no use when the strong smell of paint hit his nostrils. He entered the kitchen and immediately spotted Zayn in front of an easel; smearing crimson paint over the canvas and probably creating his next masterpiece. Niall expected a  _where have you been_  or  _what took you so long_ , maybe even a  _why didn’t you pick up your phone_  but he was disappointed when Zayn only greeted him with a small nod. Seriously?  _No one_  cares? Niall sighed and started to unpack the groceries when suddenly the door to Louis’ room slammed open and an angry looking Louis stalked out.

“Niall! Where have you been?” Ah, here we go. “I expected you to be home hours ago; I really needed that yoghurt!” Apparently not.

“Sorry, I was with a friend.”

“I didn’t know you had friends, Niall.” Zayn snorted and Louis laughed at his silly joke.

“Well, I do. Good night.” He quickly fled to his room and locked the door behind him.

His friends didn’t care about him. No one did. Well, maybe except Liam. Niall smiled at the thought of the other boy. Even if it was only out of pity, Liam actually cared a little bit.


	4. Chapter 4

To try to balance your three thousand Spanish books down the stairs from the fourth floor to the first maybe don’t seem so hard. Now add texting on your phone at the same time. A little bit harder, right? It didn’t help that Niall always felt a little bit dizzy when he climbed down the stairs nowadays either.

_hey, my spanish is over now, you and the others wanna meet up for lunch?_

He sent the text to Harry and waited patiently for an answer while carefully making his way down towards his locker. His phone vibrated in his hand and he quickly unlocked the message:

_sorry man, we already ate_

Bitches. Fucking bitches. Why did they always do this? Was it  _impossible_ for them to wait half an hour for his class to end?

Niall finally arrived to his locker and dug in his jeans pocket for the key. Now the only problem was to unlock it while holding his Spanish books and phone.

 

“Dammit!” He cursed and suddenly a warm, soft hand took the keys out of his grip.

 

“Let me help you with that.” Liam said and unlocked Niall locker. When he turned to give the key back to Niall he found the blonde boy staring at him.

 

“What’s up with you?!” Niall shouted, but his voice wasn’t angry, just frustrated and surprised.

 

“What do you mean?” Liam asked and looked adorably confused.

 

“Why are you always around when I need help?! Are you stalking me or something?!” To Niall’s annoyance Liam started to chuckle.

 

“Trust me, I know how weird it is that I’m always helping you, but when you think about it, you actually do need more help than most people.” He pointed out and Niall thought this over for a moment.

 

“You’re right… But don’t you have better things to do than to be my own personal hero?” Niall asked and Liam shrugged.

 

“Not really. So, I came to ask you if you wanted to go and get lunch together. If you’re not eating with your friends, that is.” Liam suddenly didn’t look so secure anymore.

 

“That would be great! Let’s go.”

 

They found themselves on a small bar & grill not far from the school ten minutes later.

 

“If it isn’t Liam Payne.” A red haired waiter grinned when he walked up to their table.

 

“Ed! What’s up mate?” Liam greeted him. Niall glanced at Ed; his red unruly hair, his tattooed arm that peeked out of the white shirt sleeve, his mischievous grin… this guy looked like the exact stereotype that Niall would usually hang out, party and get drunk with. Now, on the other hand, he felt more drawn to Liam’s calm atmosphere.

 

“I’m good. Haven’t seen you around in a while though, where have you been man?” Ed asked and Liam shrugged.

 

“Around.”

 

“Yeah; around your apartment.” Ed teased and Liam hit his arm lightly. “Moving on to more interesting matters; who is this beauty?” Ed turned to Niall with curious eyes.

 

“Ed, this is Niall.” Liam introduced him.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Niall.” Ed picked up Niall’s hand and kissed the backside of his palm.

 

“Um…” Niall caught Liam’s eyes with his own confused and almost a bit scared ones.

 

“Ignore him; he’s just weird.” Liam said and Ed chuckled.

 

“Okay, now that we all know each other; are you ready to order?” Ed asked and God, did this guy ever stop grinning?!

When Niall and Liam had ordered and Ed had disappeared, Liam looked a bit embarrassed.

 

“Sorry about that, Ed can be a bit much sometimes.”

 

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” Niall smiled and Liam returned it.

 

“I got you something.” Liam said suddenly and Niall’s eyebrow flew up in surprise.

 

“You did?” He had to admit that this was a bit creepy…

 

“Don’t look so freaked out, it’s not like that.” Liam assured Niall before he reached into his backpack and took out a white can with a rainbow painted on it. Niall raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “It’s vitamins.” Liam explained and opened the lid to show Niall the pink pills inside. “It might stop your hair from falling off.” He added, then closed the can again and put it down in front of Niall.

 

“Really? Wow, thanks!” Niall picked up the can and examined it. “Children’s Chewable? Liam, this is for kids…”

 

“I know, I used to eat them as a child, but that doesn’t mean that they are less effective. Besides, they taste pretty good.”

 

“Thank you Liam, really, you didn’t have to.” Without thinking about it, Niall reached over the table and put his hand over Liam’s. He was surprised by his own action, it had been pure instinct, and he expected Liam to pull his hand away. But he didn’t. Well, not until Ed arrived with their food and he winked at Niall before leaving them alone.

 

“Is he…?” Niall pointed in the direction that Ed had disappeared.

 

“No, he just likes to flirt with guys to make them uncomfortable. He thinks it’s funny, I don’t understand why thought…” Liam rolled his eyes and Niall nodded.

 

They ate their lunch while engaging in various conversations and it was probably the best lunch Niall had been on in months – hell, years!

 

“Guess where we are going?” Liam said when they exited the grill and started to walk down the pavement together.

 

“Back to school?” Niall asked, but he had a feeling that he was wrong.

 

“Hospital.” Liam said and Niall sighed.

 

“Seriously Liam, I don’t need to go to the hospital.”

 

“Well, I think it’s best if you do.”

 

“You’re not in charge of my life.” Niall felt like a snotty kid as soon as he had said it.

 

“Someone have to take care of you since your shitty friends don’t.” Liam said neutrally and hailed a cab. Niall didn’t protest against Liam’s insult towards his friends, because they were pretty shitty right now. Or had they always been? Maybe Niall just hadn’t noticed it…

When they arrived at the hospital Liam told the nurse what had happened and that they only wanted a small checkup. After Niall had showed his horrible ID, which he got when he was fourteen, the nurse told them to sit down and wait for their turn. It didn’t take long until a doctor invited them both into a room for examination. He tested Niall reflexes in legs and arms, then Niall had to close his eyes and touch his nose repeatedly (something about the nerves) and he ended up in a laughing fit because it was just so silly.

 

“So, Niall, when did you fell down the stairs?” The doctor asked.

 

“Uh, about a month ago… it was the 18th of August, I think.”

 

“Okay…” The doctor wrote something down. “What happened after the accident?”

 

“My friends took me back to my dorm where I went to sleep.”

 

“Did you bleed anything or threw up?”

 

“I bled a little through my nose and mouth. Uh, and I woke up to threw up repeatedly the whole night.”

 

“When did you eat again?”

 

“Late next day, but I could barely open my mouth and I could only chew with my front teeth so I didn’t eat a lot.”

 

“How is it with your mouth and jaw now?”

 

“Better, but it still hurts if I open up too big; like yawning.”

 

“Right.” The doctor scribbled something more on his papers. “And your head?”

 

“It was swollen for about a week, maybe more. The headache didn’t stop until last weekend.”

 

“How is it now, generally?”

 

“Loud music is a bit unpleasant, as well as all the noise in the school cafeteria and corridors.” Niall noticed how Liam glanced at him and waited for him to say one more thing. When he didn’t, Liam spoke up.

 

“He has been having trouble with his feelings, like they are dulled. And he feels a bit depressed.” Niall stared and the brunette with betrayed eyes, but Liam ignored him.

 

“Would you mind if we do an x-ray?” The doctor asked and Niall gulped.

 

“Not at all.” He said and licked his lips nervously. Liam obviously noticed his anxiousness and wrapped an arm around his shoulders while they walked towards the x-ray room.

 

(A/N: I don’t remember much from when I did my x-ray because I was barely conscious, so just imagine this scene, please xx)

 

Liam and Niall went back to the first room after the x-ray while they waited for the test results.

 

“You know, dragging me to the hospital during school time isn’t going to help me with my shitload of school work.” Niall said with a light tone so that Liam would understand that he wasn’t angry at him.

 

“I realized that too…” Liam sighed. “I promise to help you study, okay?”

 

“You promise me to help me with a lot of things.” Niall pointed out. “Weren’t you going to teach me how to value my own time or something?” Liam chuckled slightly.

 

“I am going to do that too, but today is hospital-day.”

In that moment, the doctor walked into the room. He sat down in the chair opposite the bed where Niall sat.

 

“The x-rays showed that you had a heavy concussion and two small bleedings in your brain. They were very small though, nothing to worry about now. You’ve healed well, but it was very unwise to not come here in the first place, it could have been serious.”

 

“But everything is fine?” Niall asked, and his big was wide with worry.

 

“Everything is fine. And don’t worry about your numbness; feeling a bit depressed is natural and you should be back to normal soon.”

 

“How soon is soon?”

 

“It’s different from patient to patient; some doesn’t feel depressed or numb at all, others feel it for a month or two… You might even have to wait until Christmas-“

 

“Christmas?!” Niall burst out and looked terrified.

 

“But I’m sure you won’t have to wait that long.” Liam assured him and leaned over in his chair so that he could rub Niall’s forearm comfortly.

 

“Okay, any questions?” The doctor asked.

 

“Not that I can think of.” Niall shrugged.

 

“Can this somehow relate to hair loss?” Liam asked and Niall glared at him. Was he planning on blowing all of his secrets, or…? Or… blowing something else? Niall perked up suddenly. That was in fact the first sexual thought that he had had in over a month. And it was about his newfound friend Liam. He glanced subtly at the boy beside him, to see if he had noticed anything, but he was just listening to the doctor talking about how Niall’s hair loss wasn’t related to his other injuries. Niall took in Liam’s appearance and noticed once again that he was beautiful. But it was in a slightly different way this time. There was something about Liam. Niall decided to ignore whatever he was thinking, because this was going a bit too fast.

 

“Well, that’s it then.” The doctor stood up and Liam and Niall followed suit. “Be careful, Niall.” The doctor smiled and shook both his and Liam’s hands.

 

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Liam asked when they walked out of the hospital.

 

“Not at all… I just wish my friends would have taken me, you know? I mean, I had two _bleedings_  in my brain!”

 

“Well, why didn’t you tell them to take you to the hospital then?”

 

“I just wanted to sleep, I wasn’t thinking about hospitals.” Niall said and Liam rolled his eyes.

 

“You’re so stupid.” He reached out and ruffled Niall’s hair.

 

“Hey!” Niall shouted and pushed his hand away. They were being awfully touchy-feely for only knowing each other a few days, but Niall didn’t mind.

Liam walked Niall back to his school so that Niall could go to his last class.

 

“Well, this has been fun.” Liam said.

 

“Yeah, thank you for taking me to the hospital. And for lunching with me. And for the pills.” Niall blushed as Liam laughed at his struggles with saying ‘thank you’ for the right thing.

 

“You don’t have to thank me, Niall; it’s not a big deal. But I was thinking that maybe I could have your number?”

 

“My phone number?” Niall asked in surprise.

 

“No, your locker combination!” Liam rolled his eyes to mark out his sarcasm.

 

“But I don’t have a-“

 

“Niall, it was a joke. Please don’t tell me you’re that slow.”

 

“No, I’m not slow at all! But I do have my blonde moments.”

 

“You are blonde.”

 

“It’s colored, it doesn’t count.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Now, how was it with that phone number?”

 

Niall had to think for a minute to remember his number and then he repeated the digits until Liam had them memorized.

 

“If I don’t get them right I’ll just be creepy and find you again.” Liam assured him and Niall laughed at his joke/promise.

 

When he stumbled into his classroom five minutes later the lesson had already started.

 

“Where have you been?” Zayn hissed.

 

“With a friend.” Niall shrugged.

 

“I didn’t know that you had any-“

 

“Friends.” Niall finished Zayn’s sentence. “That joke is getting pretty old, mate.”

 

“Shut up, Niall.” He murmured and ignored Niall for the rest of the class. Niall’s phone vibrated with a text in his pocket and he subtly picked it up.

_it’s liam, thought you might want my number as well :o)_

Niall couldn’t help but smile at the text, because that smiley was just so  _ridiculous_!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know a lot about the hospitals in England, so… yeah and that ending was ridiculous! just… feel free to shoot me at any time…  
> if you want to see the childeren’s chewable that Liam gave Niall I found a picture here: http://www.vitacost.com/Images/Products/1000/Solaray/Solaray-Childrens-Chewable-Vitamins-and-Minerals-Natural-Black-Cherry-076280047974.jpg


	5. Chapter 5

Truthfully, Niall had expected his friends to ask about his vitamins earlier, but it took almost two weeks before they mentioned it. It was one of those rare Saturdays when they all ate breakfast together.

“Wha ish da?” Zayn asked with his mouth full of cereal and milk.

 

“Huh?” Niall raised an eyebrow and stared at the boy in front of him. Zayn swallowed loudly before he asked again.

 

“What is that?” He pointed at the can of pills that Niall was currently taking a pill out of.

 

“It’s vitamins” Niall said casually and put the pill in his mouth. He chewed and made eye contact with Zayn (he didn’t exactly know why, but he felt cocky today). Zayn reached over the table and took the can of pills to examine it. It didn’t take long for him to start chuckling.

“Whoever gave you this screwed you over” he said to Niall. “It says it’s for children” Zayn explained further when he got no reaction out of the blonde boy.

 

“I know, but they are good for me anyway” Niall shrugged and stuffed his mouth with some cereal.

 

“Why do you take them?” Louis asked.

 

“My hair falls off” he sighed and it was quiet for a while.

 

“Your pubic hair too?” Harry smirked and Louis laughed and gave him a high-five.

 

“No” Niall finished his meal and stood up.

 

“Oh, that’s right,” Harry continued, “it’s was a damn jungle down there!” Louis laughed harder at Harry’s joke.

 

“Shut up, you don’t know anything about that” Niall muttered.

 

“Sure I do, or have you forgotten who had to shower you when you had barfed all over yourself?”

It was true; when Niall had fallen down the stairs he had no power to wash up after throwing up all over himself. Harry had kindly offered him help, but Niall would never have agreed if he had known that Harry would use it against him later.

“You  _showered_ him?” Zayn asked in disbelief, laugh dancing in his eyes.

 

“I sure did” Harry leant back in his chair. “I had to bring a chair into the shower; the fucker couldn’t even stand up by himself” Niall’s three ‘best friends’ all laughed loudly.

 

“You’re a jackass!” Niall said to Harry before he went to the bathroom. There he took his phone out of his pocket and dialed a now well-known number.

 

 _“Hello?”_ Liam answered.

 

“Hi, Liam, it’s Niall”

 

 _“Hey mate, what’s up?”_  Liam actually sounded happy and Niall hoped that the happiness was caused by his phone call.

 

“Not much… uh, are you busy?”

 

_“Both yes and no; I’m babysitting my friend Andy’s dog, but I was going to take him out for a walk if you want to join me?”_

“I’d love to!”

 

_“Great! Meet me outside of your school in fifteen minutes?”_

_~_

Fifteen minutes later Niall was standing outside of his school, a small smile paying on his lips. He looked around the busy London street and it didn’t take long until he spotted Liam with a big Golden Retriever by his side.

“Hi” Niall said as soon as Liam was close enough to hear him.

 

“Niall, I want you to meet Gunther” Liam said and patted the dog’s head. Niall crouched down and caressed the dog’s head, scratching behind its ears.

 

“Gunther? Really?” He asked and looked up at Liam.

 

“It wasn’t me who picked the name” Liam shrugged and Niall stood up again.

They started to walk down the street; they fell into a natural rhythm with each other’s footsteps.

“So, how’s it going with your feelings?” Liam asked after they had walked in silence for a while.

 

“Good,” Niall couldn’t fight the big smile that spread over his face, “they are coming back”

 

“Happy feelings too?”

 

“Especially happy feelings” Niall looked at Liam and saw him smiling as well. What was this, a smiling party?

 

“What about your hair?” Niall’s smile disappeared instantly at that question.

 

“Still falling off” He sighed.

 

“Hey, don’t worry!” Liam wrapped his arm around Niall’s shoulder, like he always did when he tried to comfort the slightly smaller lad. “The vitamins aren’t going to work right away, it will take a while. Okay?”

 

“Okay” Niall forced a smile on his lips.

They walked until they arrived at a park and Liam stopped by a wooden bench.

“Let’s sit down here” He told Niall and the boys took a seat. “Now close your eyes”

Niall was going to close his eyes, he promise, he just had to look over at Liam to see if his eyes were closed first. They were, and Liam was beautiful, as always. He just looked so peaceful.

“Don’t look at me, close your eyes” Liam said with a smirk, but he hadn’t even opened his eyes so Niall had no idea how he had known… A little embarrassed, Niall closed his eyes.

 

“And now what?” Niall asked, a little impatient.

 

“Breathe. Don’t think… feel the cold around you. Capture this moment” Liam answered.

 

Niall took a deep breath and tried to not think about anything as good as he could. He felt the cold bite his cheeks and the wind blow into his clothes. Some moisture from the bench dampened his trousers and nothing was really comfortable.

 

“It’s not working” He sighed and opened his eyes.

 

“Well, we’ll have to try again some other time then” Liam said and stood up.

 

They roamed around in the park for a while, let the dog do its business, then they headed home. Niall decided to walk Liam back to his flat, mostly to drag out the time.

 

“So, I’ve been waiting for you to say something, but I guess I’ll ask then, since you haven’t brought it up” Liam said when they were closing in on his flat.

 

“What do you mean?” Niall asked confusingly.

 

“The reason why you called me”

 

“Maybe I just wanted to hang?” Niall could hear in his own voice that he was lying.

 

“As much as I would like that, I know it’s not true. Something is bothering you” Why did Liam have the ability to read Niall like an open book? Niall sighed deeply.

 

“I just needed to get out of my dorm because my friends are assholes”

 

“What did they do?” Liam’s voice was curious and, as always, friendly.

 

“They just… say these  _things_ , like, I know it’s just friendly banter, but it actually gets to me, you know?”

 

“Do you get sad when I call you stupid too?” A wrinkle appeared between Liam’s eyebrows and he looked worried and sad, and very, very puppy-like.

 

“No, that’s different. You said it in a friendly way while they say it in a hurtful way masked by a joke” Niall wrinkled his eyebrows. “I just sounded like a damn poet, didn’t I?” Liam smiled at him to confirm his thoughts.

 

“Have you ever talked to your friends about this?”

 

“No, I don’t want to seem like one of those boring persons who overreact to everything” Niall huffed. In that moment, they arrived at Liam’s flat.

 

“Well, I’ll see you around. Bye Gunther!” Niall patted the dog and smiled at Liam before turning around to make his way back to his dorm.

 

“Niall, wait!” Liam suddenly called out and Niall turned back to him with the speed of light. Liam bit his bottom lip and looked a bit insecure before he smiled sweetly at Niall. “If you ever need a break, my place is open okay? You can sleep here whenever you want”

And it didn’t take long for Niall to actually do that.


	6. Chapter 6

“Tell me again why I picked Spanish” Niall whined when he arrived at his locker to see Liam leaning against it.

 

“Because you wanted to learn Spanish?” Liam suggested.

 

“I know, but it’s so haaaard!” Niall pushed his forehead against Liam’s shoulder.

 

“I know,” Liam ruffled Niall’s hair, “but the best things in life are hard”

 

“Like what?” Niall straightened up and gave Liam a curious look.

 

Liam thought for a while. “Penises” he said with a shrug. Niall just stared at him.

 

“Wha-what?” Niall asked, had he heard wrong?

 

“Just a suggestion” Liam said with a mall grin and shrugged again.

 

“Oh, eh… Haha” Niall winced at how fake his laugh was, but what was he supposed to say? Liam had just made a penis joke and Niall had to pretend that he didn’t think the best thing in the world was hard penises, when he, as far as he knew, thought it was.

 

Not a lot of people knew that Niall was gay, not even his family or three closest friends! When he thought about it, the only persons who knew were probably the French exchange student, Jacque, who Niall had shared his first kiss with, and Justin; a good-looking guy who Niall had hooked up with a few times last year. They hadn’t, however, had time to go all the way before Justin moved back to Canada. Sure; Niall was quite inexperienced, but he had seen enough porn and read enough homoerotic stories to know what he wanted.

 

Niall glanced over at Liam. Yep, he  _definitely_  knew what he wanted.

 

“So, what brings you here?” He asked Liam.

 

“I’m going to study at the museum in my school and thought that maybe you would join me?” Liam explained.

 

“Museum?” Niall raised an eyebrow at this.

 

“Yeah. Bring your Spanish” Liam smiled widely at him. And how was Niall supposed to say no to that smile?

So he stuffed his Spanish books into his backpack and followed Liam out of his school. They pretty soon arrived at Saint Martin’s University, and Liam lead the way up to the sixth floor (Niall almost thought that he would die after climbing all those steps).

 

Liam held up a door with the sign  _‘Museum’_  and waited for Niall to step inside. Niall did, and wow!

 

The museum was filled with animals of all sorts; foxes, eagles, an elephant cranium… everything!

 

Everything indeed. The museum was old enough to hold some things that were nowadays illegal to host in a school museum. Like a human brain.

 

“Look here” Liam said and walked up to a glass cabinet. Niall looked at the many glass jars in there and realized that most of them contained animal fetuses. Dog, cat, chicken, snake…

 

“That one” Liam breathed in his ear and pointed at a glass jar at the very end of the line. It didn’t take long to see what was resting inside and Niall’s whole face scrunched up when he read the old and yellowing label;  _‘Human_   _Fetus’_

 

“Oh God” Niall said, but didn’t back away; instead he continued to stare at the fetus with fascination.

 

“It’s pretty sick, right? That they preserved fetuses like this and donated it to a school museum, I mean” Liam whispered. Niall didn’t quite understand why he was whispering.

 

“Yeah, but it was in the name of science” Niall was torn between studying the fetus and studying Liam’s face now that they were standing so close.

 

“It was, but it’s illegal to even have it in here now” Liam agreed with a small nod of his head.

 

“But how did they get them?” Niall suddenly wondered.

 

“They took it when the woman had an abortion or miscarriage, I guess” Liam whispered.

 

“Why are you whispering?” Niall asked.

 

“Because, if you look around, you can see people studying” Liam explained.

 

“Oh!” Niall looked around and saw several student with their noses buried in their books.

 

“Which we should be doing too” Liam pointed out.

 

It ended up with Liam studying while Niall just walked around the museum and explored all the glass cabinets. Niall had never really been interested enough to actually go to a museum, but here he was and there were just so much to see.

 

“So, are you going to sleep at my place tonight?” Liam asked as they were walking down the many steps.

 

“Sure, why not?” Niall smiled.

 

The first time he had slept at Liam’s flat, he had been very nervous. But he was sleeping on the couch and Liam was sleeping in his bed, and the living room and Liam’s bedroom was separated by a thick wall, so there was really no reason to be nervous. What he loved, on the other hand, was how he always woke up to Liam cooking him breakfast. He had stayed over at Liam’s house two nights, but none of his friends had mentioned it. This time, however, he was grateful that they didn’t care; because if they knew he was sleeping at Liam’s they would get the wrong idea. Which maybe was the right idea…?

 

When they arrived at Liam’s flat, he cooked them dinner and Niall sat at the kitchen table and talked to him. It seemed like they could talk about anything, Niall was just so comfortable in Liam’s company.

 

Their conversation was interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

 

“Could you go get that?” Liam asked and Niall looked at him with surprise.

 

“But I don’t live here…” he started to protest, but Liam cut him off.

 

“Tonight you do, so just open the door” Liam said and turned around to send Niall a reassuring smile. Niall nodded and rose from the table. He cursed the door for not having a peephole and opened the door, only to reveal a familiar redhead.

 

“Ah, Niall! Nice to see you mate, is Liam in there?” Ed asked with a grin.

 

“Yeah, he’s cooking” Niall said absentmindedly while he looked at the fluffy, orange cat Ed was holding in his arms.

 

“May I come in, or…?” Ed asked after a while and Niall’s eyes snapped up to Ed’s face.

 

“Yeah, of course” Niall said and stepped aside so that Ed could enter. Ed walked straight to the kitchen where Liam was hovering over the stove.

 

“Oh, hey Ed!” Liam said happily when he saw his friend.

 

“Hey… um, I feel a little bit like an ass for just dropping off Sufjan like this, but I gotta take the train home, it’s an emergency” Ed explained.

 

“What happened?” Liam asked, his voice suddenly worried.

 

“I’m not exactly sure, but my dad is in the hospital, so can you take him?” Ed held out his cat towards Liam.

 

“Yeah, but give him to Niall; I’m cooking” Liam turned back to the stove while Ed handed over the cat to Niall. The cat was big and heavy, but didn’t struggle against Niall’s embrace.

 

“Thank you” Ed said and snuck up behind Liam to give him a hug.

 

“It’s fine, just hurry home now. Tell your dad I said hi and call me as soon as you know more” Liam commanded. Ed nodded and started to make his way towards the door.

 

“Again, sorry for cockblocking” Ed called back to them and Niall flushed bright red.

 

“Bye Edward” Liam said with finality, but amusement was evident in his voice.

Ed chuckled as he walked out the door and threw it shut after him.

 

“Are you always babysitting your friend’s pets?” Niall asked and took a steadier grip around Ed’s cat.

 

“If I can help out, why wouldn’t I?” Liam said and Niall heart almost melted in his chest.

 

“How can you be so nice all the time?” He asked and sat down at the table again, with the cat resting in his lap.

 

“It’s not really that hard as long as you don’t think too much about it and are genuine in your actions” Liam said and placed the food on the table. Niall patted the cat’s head a little when he put it down on the floor.

 

“What did Ed say the cat’s name was again?” Niall asked to change the subject.

 

“Sufjan – after Sufjan Stevens” Liam answered and sat down at the table, across from Niall.

 

“Who the fuck is Sufjan Stevens?” Niall asked and looked at Liam with confusion written all over his face.

 

“He’s an awesome singer, you should listen to him. Everyone should”

 

“Oh… is he famous?”

 

“Maybe not so much in our generation, but yes, he’s pretty famous”

 

“So you are one of those hipsters that only listen to unpopular music?” Niall asked with a smirk.

 

“Oh, shut up!” Liam said and hit Niall over the head with his napkin. “Do you want to watch a movie after dinner?”

 

“Sure”

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

Niall couldn’t sleep that night. He lay on his back in the couch, with Sufjan on his stomach and stared out in the blue darkness. He listened to the London traffic that echoed through the windows and the ticking from the clock on the kitchen wall. He glanced over at Liam’s closed bedroom door, and he could almost imagine how Liam looked when he was sleeping. The thought made Niall smile. He had only known Liam for a few weeks, how could he be so besotted with the brunette already? He sighed and forced his eyes to close. It didn’t take long before he opened them again.

 

“Why can’t I sleep?” He murmured to Sufjan, who only purred in response. He sighed again and scratched the cat behind his ears.

 

He saw how the night sky was beginning to turn into dawn and pushed his face down in his pillow with a groan.


	7. Chapter 7

The music was thumping in Niall’s ears and the blood rushed through his body, along with the alcohol. First night out clubbing since the accident, and sure; Niall liked to party. At least he used to like it. Zayn and Louis were already occupied with chatting up some girls and Harry was doing some embarrassing dance in the middle of the dance floor. Niall would usually use this time to dance his ass off and get drunker by the minute. Now, on the other hand, he was still sipping on his second beer of the night. Around this time he was usually on his fourth or fifth, but something’s changed. He didn’t feel like drinking and waking up with a hangover that would destroy the rest of his weekend.

 

He felt boring. He couldn’t take jokes anymore and now he didn’t want to party? He suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around, expecting to see a drunken chick with too much makeup, begging for a dance. That wasn’t what met his eyes though.

 

“Hello Niall!” A happy and drunk Ed screeched at him.

 

“Hey Ed, how’s your dad?” He asked while eyed the black haired girl that were standing with Ed’s arm around her; Niall was pretty sure she was the same bartender who had served him his first beer.

 

“He’s good. What about you? Are you okay, mate?” Ed asked and Niall nodded.

 

“Is Liam with you?” He asked Ed and glanced around the bar to try to spot the brunette.

 

“No, he’s not” Ed said as if it was obvious. “I’m actually surprised to see you here”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“What I mean is Liam gets disappointed in  _me_  when I get drunk. He doesn’t say anything, but I notice… So, what I was curious about is why he’s okay with  _you_ drinking”

 

“I drink if I want to” Niall said and took a big gulp of his beer to prove his point.

 

“Niall, being in a relationship means that you are willing to make sacrifices” Ed said, suddenly very serious.

 

“Relationship?” Niall asked and connected the dots. “Oh no, you got this wrong. Liam and I aren’t in a relationship!” Niall was happy that it was dark inside of the club so that Ed couldn’t see his flushed face.

 

“Oh!” Ed looked almost as embarrassed as Niall felt. “I’m sorry, it’s just that… Never mind”

 

“What?”

 

“It’s nothing!” Ed assured him.

 

“No, tell me!”

 

“Forget it!” Ed spun his girl around and started to lead her into the crowd; with him just behind.

 

“Ed, wait!” Niall yelled after him, but the pair was already swallowed by the human ocean on the dance floor. He sighed and took another swig of his beer, but as soon as he closed his eyes he could see Liam’s deep brown eyes flash before his retina. He felt guilt creeping into his stomach and rolled his eyes at himself. Was he seriously feeling guilty for drinking without Liam’s permission? He didn’t have any responsibility to live by Liam’s wishes!

Niall took another sip of his beer and tried to enjoy the taste of the alcohol. He suddenly realized that he was practically  _forcing_ himself to drink! With a groan he started to make his way out of the club and pushed his beer into the hand of a random dude he passed by.

 

“Um, thanks?” The dude asked and Niall waved his hand behind him before he finally made it out into the freezing November night. He took a deep breath and enjoyed the clear air that sobered him up slightly. He pulled out his phone and didn’t think twice before he called Liam.

 

 _“Hey Niall, what’s up?”_ Liam answered almost immediately.

 

“I’m at a club” Niall said and was a bit surprised by his own bluntness, but whatever floats his boat…

 

_“Aha?”_

 

“I don’t want to be here anymore. Could you come and get me?”

It’s quiet for a few heartbeats.

 

 _“I don’t have a car”_ Liam simply states.

 

“The club isn’t far from you… I thought that maybe you could, like, walk here” Niall suddenly felt very stupid. “You don’t have to, of course!” He hastily adds.

 

 _“No, no! I’m on my way; what club is it?”_  A smile spread over Niall’s face and he quickly turns around to look at the neon sign above the entrance of the club.

 

“Uh, it’s named  _Pulse_ , it’s got a big neon sign and shit, you won’t miss it” He quickly described.

 

_“I know the place, I’ll be there soon”_

 About fifteen minutes after he had hung up he felt a warm and sweaty hand on his shoulder.

 

“What are you doing out here?” Louis asked and turned Niall around by his shoulder.

 

“I’m going home” Niall said and shrugged his shoulders.

 

“Why? The night has only just begun!” Louis slung his arm around Niall’s shoulder and Niall could feel how Louis’ shirt was wet with sweat.

 

“Maybe for you, but I don’t feel like partying” Niall said and tried to ignore the dampness spreading from Louis’ shirt to his.

 

“Don’t be so boring, Teethmaster!” Louis huffed and Niall violently pulled out of his embrace.

 

“Don’t call me that!” He sneered at Louis, who just snorted.

 

“What? Teethmaster? What are you gonna do about it, huh? Rip my heart out  _with your teeth_?” Louis had always been a mean drunk, but this was too much.

 

Niall felt the anger flair in him; he took a step towards Louis and was just about to punch his face in when Liam appeared beside him out of nowhere.

 

“Niall!” Liam gripped Niall’s raised left arm, which he hadn’t even realized he had raised, and pulled it down to Niall’s side again. “Don’t do that” Liam’s eyes were pleading as he stared into Niall’s own.

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what-“ Niall stared to apologize, but Liam cut him off.

 

“You’ve been drinking” Liam told him as if it was the obvious explanation.

 

“Not a lot” Niall protested.

 

“Still, you’re under the influence of alcohol”

 

Niall lowered his head in shame. He had never been a violent drunk before.

 

“Hey, it’s okay, let’s go” Liam said and clasped his hand around Niall’s. He started to lead Niall away from the club, when Louis’ sharp voice sounded through the air.

 

“Excuse me, but who the fuck are you?!” He shouted to Liam.

 

“This is my friend Liam. Liam, this is my friend Louis” Niall quickly introduced them.

 

“Friend?” Liam asked and looked at Louis with a crooked eyebrow. “If he’s your friend, then what was all the ‘Teethmaster’ business all about?”

 

“It’s a name my friends used to call me before I got braces” Niall explained before he turned to Louis again, “I told you not to call me that!”

 

“It’s just a nickname!” Louis defended himself with a roll of his eyes.

 

“It doesn’t matter! Why can’t you just-“

 

“Okay guys, drop it! You can discuss this when you’re sober” Liam reasoned and Niall instantly agreed with a nod.

 

“Fine!” Louis snarled and stomped back into the club. Niall sighed and shook his head.

 

When they began to walk again Niall suddenly realized that Liam was still holding his hand and didn’t know what to do. Maybe Liam would let go if he returned the grip? So he awkwardly let Liam hold his limp hand.

 

“I tied Gunther over here” Liam suddenly spoke up and led Niall into a small alley. There, Andy’s dog was tied to a lamp post.

 

“You have Gunther  _again_?” Niall asked in disbelief as Liam let go of his hand to unknot the leash.

 

“What can I say; Andy is a busy guy” Liam said with a shrug.

 

As they continued to walk up the pavement in silence, Niall thought of something.

 

“I met Ed at the club” He started. Liam hummed a little in response. “He was with this girl, um, the bartender” Liam chuckled slightly at this.

 

“The bartender? Really? He’s been pining over her forever now, but he’s not good with taking the first step. Nice to know he finally pulled himself together” Liam smiled.

 

“Yeah, they seemed pretty cozy… but, uh, Ed mentioned something about that you don’t like when people drink?” Niall inquired.

 

“I don’t” Liam agreed.

 

“How come?”

 

“When I was younger, one of my kidneys didn’t work so I never got drunk like my friends did. I had to stand by and watch them turn into something they usually aren’t, and I just don’t like it” Liam explained.

 

“So you get disappointed in your friends when they drink” Niall said with a small smile.

 

“Well, Ed has a habit of drunk texting me… it’s nothing bad, but he do spell ‘home’ with a Q”

 

Niall couldn’t help but laugh hysterically, and the alcohol probably played its part, because it wasn’t funny enough to make you trip over your own feet… but Niall did end up on the street somehow.

 

~~~

 

“We should probably go to bed” Liam stated as soon as they had taken off their coats in the apartment. Niall tried to not let his shock, and excitement, show. Was Liam inviting him to his bed?

“I think the sheets are still in the couch from the last time you slept here”

 

 _Okay, that was a punch right in my hopes and dreams for an erotic night._  Niall shook his head at his thoughts; he hadn’t had a lot, but he was definitely influenced by the alcohol. He walked into the living room and saw that the couch was ready for him, so he began to take of his shirts; both at the same time. He was lazy, okay? He didn’t predict that his shirt would get stuck over his head though.

 

“Oof!” He felt like an idiot, even more so when Gunther barked to answer his ‘oof’.

 

“Let me help you” Liam chuckled, suddenly behind Niall. Was this guy Batman or something? Niall felt Liam’s warm hands brush his bare skin as he helped him off with the shirts. Niall quickly turned around and almost came chest to chest with Liam. They were  _so_  close; Niall could feel Liam’s breath on his lips. He watched how Liam’s glance travelled from his eyes, to his lips, to his naked chest. He might be misinterpreting it, but it almost looked like Liam’s eyes got a bit darker. Niall’s heart was racing; what was going on? What was he going to do? Would he have the guts to lean forward to plant a small kiss on Liam’s soft lips?

Liam abruptly ended the moment, that had probably only lasted a few seconds though it felt like several minutes had passed, by taking a step back.

 

“Goodnight” He murmured almost harshly and pushed Niall’s shirt into the blonde’s arms before he retreated to his bedroom and closed the door loudly behind him. Niall stood there for almost a minute, frozen to the spot.

 

What had just happened?


	8. Chapter 8

There was a knock on Niall’s bedroom door and he looked up from his suitcase on his bed that he was currently stuffing his clothes into.

 

“Come in!” He said with a strong voice and the door opened. Louis stepped inside.

 

“Hi”

 

“Hey Lou, what’s up?” Niall asked without really paying attention to his friend while he tried to decide which shirt he would pack.

 

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Niall looked up and saw that Louis was biting his bottom lip.

 

“Um, sure. Take a seat” Louis and Niall sat down beside the suitcase on Niall’s bed.

 

“I just wanted to apologize for what I did at the club the other night” Louis explained without looking Niall in the eye. He was probably too proud.

 

“The other night? Louis, that was almost a month ago” Niall pointed out.

 

“I know, I know… It’s just that, I know that we’ve been shitty friends this autumn and I thought that I would apologize before you return to Ireland so that you don’t decide to stay there” Louis looked up with a small smile and Niall pulled him into a halfhearted hug.

 

“It’s okay… I think” Niall pondered.

 

“You think?” Louis snorted. “Thanks for that mate” He stuck his finger in Niall’s ribs.

 

“Ouch, stop!” Niall grinned and pushed Louis away from him.

 

It was quiet for a moment.

 

“So, that guy who picked you up at the club, Leon-” Louis started.

 

“Liam” Niall corrected.

 

“Right, Liam. Who is he?”

 

“Do you remember that he helped me carry our coffees at the café once?”

 

Louis furrowed his brows in confusion.

 

“Apparently not” Niall said with an amused sigh.

 

“Is he the one you’ve been hanging out with all the time?”

 

“Exactly” Niall confirmed.

 

“And here I was, hoping that you had finally found yourself a girlfriend” Louis teased and poked Niall’s cheek. Niall catches Louis’ hand and lowered it from his face. It was time now.

 

“Louis, I’m gay” Niall was surprised that the words that had been stuck in his throat for years slipped out of him so easily.

Louis stared at him in shock for almost a whole minute.

 

“Are you like, serious?” He finally asked.

 

“Yes” It was Niall’s time to avoid eye contact.

 

“Oh… Well, congratulations then, I guess” Louis scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

 

“Congratulations? Really, Lou?”

 

“What else am I supposed to say?” Louis asked and Niall smiled softly.

 

“That you support me and that this won’t change our friendship” Niall instructed.

 

“I thought that was obvious” Louis answered and Niall’s heart was suddenly overwhelmed with love for his friend. He dove in for a quick hug and Louis chuckled, but hugged him back.

 

“Am I right when I say that you  _like_  this Liam guy then?” Louis said with a smirk.

 

“Yeah, I do” Niall sighed heavily. “But it feels like he’s trying to make me think of him as an older brother or something. I mean, I don’t want to be brother-zoned!”

 

Louis patted his back to comfort him. “That sucks, man…”

 

Their moment was interrupted by Harry bursting into the room.

 

“Hey guys, what are you doing?” He asked, his voice curious.

 

“Do you want to tell him?” Louis asked Niall, who nodded.

 

“Tell me what?” More curiosity flooded into Harry’s voice.

 

“That I’m…” The words were suddenly stuck again. He looked at Louis, asked the brunette with his eyes if he could continue.

 

“Niall is gay” Louis said and Harry’s eyebrows travelled closer to his hairline. Without a word, the curly haired lad turned around and walked out of the room. Niall’s heart hadn’t any time to start ache with sadness at his mate’s reaction before Harry’s deep voice rumbled through their dorm:

 

“ZAYN! I fucking told you!”

 

“Told me what?!” Zayn yelled back.

 

“That Niall would come out before New Year! You owe me a hundred quid!” Harry explained.

 

Niall stood up and Louis quickly followed him out of his room.

 

“You  _knew?!_  And didn’t say anything?! You made a  _bet?!_ ” Niall asked. He was torn between being offended and finding it funny.

 

In the end, he laughed at his own stupid fear of his best friends’ rejection. Even his friends had been pretty shitty lately; the four of them still had years of friendship in their backpacks and that was something he should have counted on.

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

After Niall’s friends had hugged him goodbye, he took a bus to the airport and his dad had picked him up when he arrived in Ireland. His parents were divorced, but since it was Christmas they all celebrated together.

 

They would have guests at Christmas Eve, but the few days before they had to themselves; Niall’s parents, his brother and Niall.

He had decided to come out to them too, and he had considered waiting until Christmas was over in case if they would kick him out, but he knew that he would not enjoy the holiday if he was ruminating on his confession all the time.

 

Now, the Horan family was sitting around the dinner table and Niall’s mother was serving everyone.

 

“I’m gay” Niall spluttered,  _and where did his rehearsed speech go?_

 

“Okay” His mother simply nodded.

 

“Okay?  _Okay?!_  Is that it?!” Niall stared at each and one of his family members in order.

 

“What, do you want to talk about it?” His dad asked and put down his cutlery.

 

“Um, no, I just didn’t expect you to take it so easily” Niall didn’t know if he should feel offended by their lack of care.

 

“It’s no big deal” His brother, Greg, shrugged. “I mean, you’re still you” He shot Niall a reassuring smile. Niall answered it, and thought about his friends and family’s reactions. Why hadn’t he told them sooner?

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

As soon as Niall got back to London, Liam invited him over for a movie night.

Niall impatiently rang the doorbell three times before Liam opened, and he was surprised to not see Liam’s soft, brown hair.

 

“You shaved your head” Niall stated and reached out a hand to stroke Liam’s hair stubble.

 

“Yep. What do you think?” Liam let Niall caress his head a little while longer.

 

“I like it. It’s going to take a little while to get used to, but it looks good”

 

“Alright… Go pick out a movie, I’m going to get us something to drink” Liam smiled and disappeared into the kitchen. Niall closed the front door behind him before he made his way to the living room.

 

“So, how was your Christmas?” Liam asked as he sat down in the couch beside Niall. He handed the Irishman a beer and Niall couldn’t help but think it was totally adorable that Liam had bought him low-alcoholic beer, that he broke his no-alcohol-in-my-flat-rule just for Niall’s sake. Liam himself had a coke in his hand.

 

“It was pretty good. I came out to my family” Niall said casually, but glanced at Liam, trying to catch his reaction (because he was, in fact, coming out to Liam right now).

 

“Came out as gay?” He asked and his voice almost sounded hopeful.

 

“Yeah” Niall answered and saw how Liam struggled to keep his smile from blowing up into a giant grin. “What are you smiling about?” Niall teased and poked Liam’s cheek, which only caused Liam’s smile to grow.

 

“I’m just proud of you” He said and Niall didn’t know if he should be disappointed or not, because it was a good reaction, but it was an  _‘I’m going to press you down into the couch and fuck you senseless’_  reaction, which Niall had secretly hoped for. God, he was acting like a hormonal fifteen year old again.

 

“Okay. Well, cheers then!” Niall clinked his bottle of beer against Liam’s coke can and then pressed play on the remote, starting the movie.

 

“Why are you so far away?” Liam asked after a while and Niall’s heart immediately started to thump hard against his chest.

 

“No reason really” Niall piped and scooted into Liam’s side. Liam wrapped an arm around him and Niall waited the whole night for Liam to make some kind of move, but he stubbornly kept his head rested on top of Niall’s.

 

Okay, Niall was sure now. He was brother-zoned.


	9. Chapter 9

“What’s wrong with Niall?” Harry asked Louis and Niall rolled his eyes. He wasn’t able to hear them or anything. He sure as hell didn’t sit right in front of them and it’s not like he was sharing a meal with them.

 

“He’s been friend-zoned” Louis whispered back, but he has never been a quiet whisperer.

 

“I’m not friend-zoned!” He growled to the two brunettes in front of him.

 

“But you said-“

 

“I said I was brother-zoned, that is much worse because that is like… the lowest point” Niall sighed and rested his head on the McDonald’s table he was sitting at.

 

Louis slurped his coke from a straw and the sound was going like a damn bullet through his brain.

 

“Stop that!” Niall barked to Louis.

 

“I didn’t do anything!” Louis defended himself.

 

Niall felt as if he and his friends were closer again and at the same time that he loved it, they required some of his free time that he’d rather spend with Liam.

 

Right now they were sitting in a shabby McDonald’s. Niall had already finished his meal and waited impatiently for Harry and Louis to finish theirs as well.

 

“I’m going to the bathroom” He informed his friends and rose from his seat and bumped right into a person walking by their table.

 

“Oh! I’m sorry!” Niall said and looked at the boy, who seemed oddly familiar.

 

“No, it’s okay” The boy smiled and Niall recognized him as Josh, a nice guy in his Spanish class.

 

“So, what’s up?” Niall asked and wanted to slap himself, because Josh probably just wanted to find a table and eat his food already, not converse with Niall.

 

“Not much. It’s quite good that I would run into you here, I’ve been trying to catch you at school but you seem to just disappear all the time” Josh grinned.

 

“Oh, really? Why?” Niall had no idea what Josh could possibly want from him, because they didn’t exactly know each other.

 

“I, uh, saw on facebook that you came out as gay and just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go for a coffee or something sometime” Josh was clearly nervous and Niall didn’t really know what to say.

 

“Uh… You mean like a date?” He asked and Josh nodded.

 

“Yeah, a date… If you want to call it that” A pink blush had found its way over Josh’s cheeks. Niall glanced uncertainly at Harry and Louis, who nodded eagerly.

 

“Sure!” Niall said and smiled at Josh.

 

“O-okay” Josh grinned widely and gave Niall his number before he disappeared and Niall dragged his friends out of the fast food restaurant.

 

“What did I just do?!” He yelled at his Louis and Harry.

 

“You were being a normal human being?” Harry suggested.

 

“But I agreed to go on a date with him!”

 

“Yeah… That’s good. Maybe you can forget about Liam now”

 

“But I don’t  _want_  to forget about Liam!” Niall shook his head.

 

“You should go out with him anyway, who knows, you might really like him” Louis patted his back a little and Niall sighed.

 

“Yeah, I guess”

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

So a week later, on a cold and dark Thursday night, Niall found himself in a cozy coffee shop with Josh. It was nice, sure, but Niall had a hard time focusing on Josh and he kept comparing him to Liam.

 

Niall was quiet and took small sips if his warm coffee so that it would last longer as a cover up for his dying interest in the excited boy before him. Geez, Niall really was a horrible person, wasn’t he?

 

“Is something wrong?” Josh suddenly asked and Niall realized that he had been spacing out.

 

“Hm?” He let his eyes focus on Josh with intense.

 

“You don’t seem to be listening to me” Josh pouted.

 

“I’m sorry. I just-“

 

“Please Niall, be honest” Josh begged and Niall sighed.

 

“Okay, uh… I already have someone who I like, even if it’s unrequited, so I guess that going out with you wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry”

 

Josh looked at him with a glare that was torn between forced understanding and anger.

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

And that’s how Niall ended up at a pub with a beer in his hand. Josh had hurriedly ended the date and disappeared, and Niall had no idea why he was feeling so hopeless. So he intended to get really drunk and skip school tomorrow.

 

A tall guy with broad shoulders and long, mane-like hair sat down beside him at the bar. He was good looking, but too macho for Niall’s taste. He looked like a douchebag, even if he didn’t necessarily was one.

 

“Are you really gonna get completely hammered on a Thursday?” The guy asked and eyed Niall growing line of empty beer bottles.

 

“Are you really one to talk?” Niall countered and nodded in direction of the guy’s own beer bottle. The guy chuckled lowly.

 

“I just got fired, what is your excuse?” The guy smirked and raised an eyebrow.

 

“I’m friend-zoned” Niall sighed and the guy nodded. It was silent for a minute.

 

“My name is Andy” The guy suddenly said and extended his hand towards Niall.

 

“I’m Niall” He shook Andy’s hand.

 

“So, friend-zoned?”

 

“Yeah… Or more like brother-zoned” Niall rolled his eyes and took a sip of his beer.

 

“That sucks, mate. The same thing happened to my friend; he texted me today and was totally devastated cause he had been out for a walk and seen the person he likes on a date with someone else” Andy told him.

 

“I was on a date with a guy I wasn’t really interested in, but he noticed that I was a bit distant and he lost his shit when I told him that I was interested in someone else” Andy started to laugh, and Niall wasn’t sure why, but he joined in.

 

“You sure have no luck with your love life” Andy said and pounded Niall’s back rather hard with his left hand.

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

“Ahahahah, you can’t be serious?!” Andy asked Niall after he had told the longhaired male an incredibly boring anecdote about his childhood.

 

“It’s true, I sweat!” Niall stared in front of him. “I… sweat…” he turned his head to look at a laughing Andy. “I swear! I  _swear_ ”

 

“Gentlemen, we are closing now” The bartender informed them and Niall glanced at his watch. It read just after two in the morning.

 

He and Andy held their arms around and leaned on each other when they stumbled out. It was raining outside, but since it was March it wasn’t unbearable cold.

 

“It was nice to meet you Andie” Niall slurred.

 

“Same, Neil!” Andy answered and watched as Niall took out his phone and turned it off. “Why are you turning off your phone?” He asked.

 

“If I don’t, I’m probably gonna drunk-text my friend and he hates it”

 

“I have a friend like that too. Maybe I should turn off mine as well” Andy proceeded to drop his phone on the ground three times before he successfully switched it off.

 

The two young men let go of each other and Niall wobbled a little.

 

“Should you really walk home like that?” Andy asked.

 

“Maybe not… I’m gonna call a cab” Niall took out his phone but saw that it was turned off. “My phone isn’t on” He told Andy with a big grin and both of them ended up in a fit of laughter.

 

“I don’t understand what is wrong,” Niall told Andy, “I’ve never been a happy drunk, I’m not usually like this” Andy laughed right up in his face.

 

“Me neither, kid” Niall suddenly realized that they were somehow leaning against each other again, and they were so close. Andy’s face was so close and Niall was overwhelmed with his scent; a mix of beer, tiredness and a very masculine cologne. No, Andy wasn’t his type, but he was definitely a hot piece of ass.

 

Niall was happy that this incredibly tall man was leaning down slightly, because he didn’t need to stand on his tiptoes to connect their lips. Andy quickly pulled away.

 

“No, dude… just no” He didn’t seem irritated, just firm in his point.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m drunk out if my mind” Niall said, embarrassed and a little sobered up by the rejection.

 

“Okay, uh, see ya around” Andy told him and turned on his heal and left Niall alone in front of the closed pub.

 

Niall brought his hand to his lips. That was the first time he had kissed someone in almost 9 months. Damn, he would’ve had time to get a baby since the last time he had gotten some action. That’s depressing.

 

He slowly walked home through the silent rain and when he reached his dorm he pretty much crashed into his bed. He wasn’t even sure if this had been a bad or good night. He had been on a failed date, got smashed, been rejected and had been forced to walk home in the rain. But on the other hand, he had had a great time with that Andy and it was a long time since he had laughed that much.

 

All those considerations disappeared when Niall hurried to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach in the toilet. This had categorically been a bad night.


	10. Chapter 10

“… and I just feel so guilty, you know?” Niall said. He was lying on his stomach in his bed and Zayn was sitting cross legged on his floor.

 

“Let me get this straight; you feel guilty because you kissed a guy who isn’t the guy that you’re  _not_  dating?” Zayn made it sound so simple - and so stupid.

 

“You don’t understand” Niall grunted and rested his head on the pillow.

 

“Speaking of Liam; didn’t you say he was going to come here today?” Zayn asked Niall.

 

“Hmmm… yeah, but not until four” Niall said and rolled onto his side.

 

“Exactly what time do you think it is?” Zayn asked him, his voice a mix of anxiety and amusement.

 

“Eleven maybe?” Niall said with a lazy shrug.

 

“It’s half past three”

 

Niall scooted out of his bed and almost slipped on a T-shirt that had been carelessly thrown on the floor.

 

“Why don’t you or the other guys ever inform me of stuff like this?!” He asked and ripped his boxer briefs off.

 

“Dude, get into the fucking bathroom before you take your clothes off!” Zayn yelled and covered his eyes with his right hand.

 

Niall threw the underwear on Zayn as a kind of revenge for not telling him about the time sooner and jumped into the shower.

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

He luckily had time to shower, get dressed and have a quick breakfast before there was a knock on the door. He almost jumped out of his skin in anticipation. But when he opened the door and saw Liam outside, a sudden calmness settled on him.

 

“Hi” He said and pulled Liam into a hug.

 

“Did you just shower? You smell good” Liam said and burrowed his face in Niall’s (nowadays pretty thin) hair.

 

“Yeah, I-” Niall was interrupted by someone clearing their throat behind him. He turned around and saw his three best friends; Zayn and Harry were leaning against the wall and Louis was standing silently and looking embarrassed. Probably because his last meeting with Liam had been rather unpleasant.

 

“Uh… Everyone, this is Liam. Liam, this is my three…” Niall didn’t know if he should say  _‘best friends’_  or  _‘room mates’_.

“My three best mates and room friends” Liam chuckled slightly at his stumble with his words.

 

“Hello, I’m Harry” Harry said and took a step forward to shake hands with Liam.

 

“Nice to meet you, Harry” Liam smiled politely.

 

“I’m Zayn, I’m sure Niall have told you about me” Zayn said with a cocky grin while he shook Liam’s hand.

 

“I’m afraid he hasn’t” Liam said and Zayn’s face fell. He walked away to probably sulk in the kitchen and make a red, aggressive painting called “Humiliation”, because that was a very Zayn-thing to do.

 

“And I’ve already met you” Liam said while taking Louis’ hand in his.

 

“Yes. Hi again” Louis said with a blush.

 

“Hi Louis. It’s nice to meet you sober” Liam said with a genuine smile. Louis nodded and tightened his grip on Liam’s hand, which Niall guessed meant that he thanked Liam for his forgiveness.

 

When Niall showed Liam his room he was a little bit nervous, because this small room actually reflected a little bit of him.

 

“It’s nice” Liam said while looking around the room. “A little bit small, but nice”

 

“Yeah, thank God you have an apartment” Niall said and plopped down on his bed. “How do you even afford your apartment?” Niall had actually never pondered in this question. As far as Niall know, Liam is a student and has no job.

 

“My parents are pretty rich and gave me the apartment as a moving gift” Liam shrugged and sat down beside Niall.

 

“That is nice parents” Niall said and thought about Liam’s apartment. It had two rooms (bedroom + living room), a hall, a bathroom and a kitchen. That wasn’t a bad moving gift.

 

“Yeah… By the way, how are things going with your hair?” Liam asked out of nowhere.

 

“Uh… good, I think it has stopped falling off” Niall said with a wide grin. A grin that Liam didn’t return. He looked confused and a little sympathetic.

 

“When was the last time you changed your bed linen?” Liam asked randomly. What’s up with him?

 

“What? Yesterday, why do you ask?” Niall looked at his bed and suddenly understood why Liam had asked that specific question. His pillow was filled with blonde hair. Niall stared at his pillow for a long time.

 

“Hey, it’s okay” Liam said and took a steady grip on Niall’s shoulder. He brought Niall closer to his body and started to run his fingers through Niall’s hair. “I’m sor-” Liam interrupted himself. His hand pressed down harder on Niall’s skull and he moved his fingers back and forth.

 

“What are you doing?!” Niall asked, because this was just weird.

 

“Your hair is growing out!”

 

“ _What_?!”

 

“Yes! Feel here,” Liam guided Niall’s hands to his scalp, “it’s small hairs, like a stubble”

 

Niall let his fingertips travel in his hair, and he felt it. Small hairs, maybe just a centimeter, but still. He felt his mouth transform into a wide grin and stroked his new hair over and over again.

 

“So, my hair fell off to make room for the new?” He asked Liam.

 

“Something like that. Maybe there was something wrong with your old hair, so your body pushed it away”

 

“Yeah, yeah, it doesn’t matter, because my hair is back!”

 

“Congratulations” Liam said and smiled sweetly at him.

 

“Thank you, dear sir” Niall said and he guessed he had developed a sudden obsession with his new hair, because he couldn’t stop caressing it.

 

“When are you going back to Ireland?” Liam asked and what was with him and changing the subject today?

 

“For good or just for visiting?” Niall asked, because he had planned on moving back to Ireland when he was going to settle down.

 

“Visiting, but it would be good to know when you’re going back for good too” Liam decided and Niall sat up from his embrace.

 

“Why do you ask?” Niall asked, because he was a little bit paranoid.

 

“Just curious” Liam shrugged.

 

“Okay, um, I will move back to Ireland for good when I’m going to start my own family, I think. It depends on which country my husband is from” It felt a bit weird to say that. _‘My husband’_. Especially when you said it to the guy who you currently hoped would become your husband. “But, ah, I’m going back soon, in April or something to visit”

 

Liam nodded and was quiet for a minute.

 

“Can I drive you to the airport?” He suddenly asked and Niall wanted to roll his eyes, because Liam was making no sense today.

 

“Why would you want to do that?”

 

“I don’t know. It would be nice to wave you off. We could make a small road trip out of it”

 

“But do you have a license?” Niall asked, and when did he become so sensible?

 

“No, but I could ask a friend of mine to drive us, so I won’t be alone on the way home either”

 

“Who would you ask?”

 

Liam didn’t need to think long about this one.

 

“Andy. I’ve been babysitting Gunther a lot, I could probably ask for a favor”

 

Niall felt a pang of guilt in his heart when Liam mentioned the name Andy; because he thought about the Andy he had kissed outside of the pub. It wasn’t the same Andy, probably, but still.

 

“Okay, why not?” Niall agreed and tried to push away all the guilt.

 

Oh, he had no idea that he was down for a shock in April, when he would meet the driver…


	11. Chapter 11

“For the love of everything that is holy in this world… Niall, stop pacing!” Liam demanded from where he sat on the couch, but Niall didn’t stop. They were in Liam’s apartment, waiting for Andy to arrive so that he could drive them to the airport. But he was late. Niall glanced at his watch.  _Very_  late.

 

“I can’t stop pacing because your ‘genius’ plan of a stupid road trip back fired and now I will miss my flight!”

 

Liam sighed heavily.

 

“I’m sorry, okay?”

 

“But why aren’t your friend here?”

 

“I don’t know!” Liam burst out and licked his lips nervously. Andy was really late. “You know what? You should just sit down and try to take a moment to yourself-“

 

“That hasn’t worked any of the last ten times we have tried, I just can’t! You can’t teach me and I can’t learn!” Niall glanced at his watch again. “And apparently, your friend can’t make it on time!”

 

There was a deafening silence, and Niall knew he shouldn’t be mad at Liam. He just kind of was.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry” he sighed and sat down beside Liam on the couch. “I’m not mad, I’m just anxious about my flight… it seems like I’m going to miss-“

 

In that moment the door was flung open by Andy and Niall choked on his breath when he recognized the young man. Long, dirty-blonde hair, tall, cocky smile… It was the Andy from the bar. The same Andy that Niall had kissed.

 

“I am so sorry, I- holy fuck!” Andy shouted when he laid eyes on Niall. Niall, on the other hand, could only stare at Andy with wide eyes, barely believing his bad luck.

 

“Andy, you’re late” Liam looked from Andy to Niall. “What? Why are you staring at each other like that?”

 

Niall felt as if he had swallowed a whole bucket of glue, because he really wanted to open his mouth and throw out an explanation, but he was unable to even part his lips.

 

“Uh… we don’t have time for this, we can take that conversation in the car” Andy said, then he turned around and walked out of the door again. Liam raised his eyebrows in Niall’s direction, but Niall only picked up his suitcase and exited the apartment. He heard Liam locking the door behind them, but didn’t stop and wait for him. He needed to talk to Andy alone for a second.

 

“Andy!” He jumped into the backseat and closed the door behind him.

 

“What’s up?” Andy asked and fiddled with his bottom lip. He sounded casual, but didn’t look like it.

 

“Are we gonna tell him?” Niall asked and looked out the window. Liam was approaching the car. “Andy!”

 

“I’m thinking, okay?!”

 

“But hurry up!”

 

“Alright, we tell him! I told him about you kissing me anyway, no point in lying”

 

“You told him?!”

 

“I didn’t know that it was  _you_ ”

 

“So we tell him?” Niall asked at the same time that Liam opened the door and climbed into the backseat with him.

 

“Tell me what?” Liam asked and Andy sighed while starting the car.

 

“Do you remember that I told you about a guy kissing me recently?” Andy asked as caught Liam’s eye through the rear-view mirror.

 

“Yeah, but why-“

 

“It was me” Niall said and Liam turned to him with a surprised expression.

 

There was a long silence and Niall waited anxiously for Liam to say something, but said boy only watched the windscreen wipers quietly.

 

“Liam?” Andy asked.

 

“I just– how didn’t you connect the dots?” Liam asked and Niall released his breath.

 

“There are a lot of people named Andy” Niall defended himself.

 

“But there aren’t a lot of people named Niall” Liam said and both boys looked at the driver, expecting an explanation.

 

“I could swear to God his name was Neil!” Andy assured.

 

“Hey! We spent the night together and you don’t even remember my name?!” Niall was slightly upset.

 

“ _You_   _spent the night together_?” Liam asked and color drained from his face.

 

“No! No, not like that! We spent  _the_   _evening_ together, in a pub, getting pissed! I promise; that’s the only reason I kissed him!” Niall shouted and Andy agreed eagerly.

 

“O-okay…” Liam said and nodded to confirm that he understood.

 

“Liam, I swear” Niall placed his hand on Liam’s forearm.

 

“I believe you” Liam smiled and slid his arm backward so that Niall’s hand landed on the backside of his palm. Their little moment was interrupted by Andy’s loud voice.

 

“So, this won’t be awkward between us, right?” He asked.

 

“No, I guess not” Liam confirmed and Niall felt relief wash over him. This went better than he expected.

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

When they were about halfway to the airport, Niall felt the need to have a wee so they pulled over by a small gas station. Niall hurried inside, and Liam and Andy were left alone in the car.

**»In the car«**

“Are you angry with me?” Andy asked Liam, who sat silently in the backseat.

 

“Why would I be angry at you?” Liam asked, but his tone was sour and told Andy that Liam was, in fact, angry with him.

 

“Bro, come on-“

 

“What were you  _thinking?!_ ” Liam hissed through his gritted teeth.

 

“I wasn’t thinking! I was drunk, and I had  _no_  idea that it was your guy!” Liam licked his lips and seemed to consider whether he would trust Andy’s words or not.

 

“Did you…” Liam looked out of the widow, weighing his words, wondering if he really wanted the answer. “Did you do something more?”

 

“No, we didn’t. It was just a kiss” Andy secured him. “An innocent kiss even, no tongues or anything, he just kind of pressed his lips against mine and-“

 

“Okay, I get it, I don’t wanna hear!” Liam said and put his hands over his ears, but Andy caught the little smile on Liam’s lips. He had probably forgiven him already.

 

“At least he’s a good kisser” Andy teased and winked at Liam.

 

“Okay, maybe I’m a little angry that you know that and I don’t” Liam said and punched Andy playfully on the shoulder.

 

They saw Niall exiting the gas station and starting to walk towards the car, so Andy hurried up with saying what he thought Liam needed to hear:

 

“Be careful though, I think he thinks that you are friend-zoning him”

 

Niall climbed into the car, Andy started the car, but Liam was left speechless. Was he accidently friend-zoning the guy of his dreams?

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

“Let me help you with that, Niall” Liam said and took Niall’s suitcase out of his hands.

 

“I’m not handicapped, you know?” Niall asked, amused at Liam’s gentlemanly behavior, but he didn’t mind. Most people thought that he would be offended that Liam ‘treated him like a girl’, but he wasn’t. Liam was a true gentleman and would do the same for anyone.

 

Liam had decided to wave him off, but Andy had figured that it was better if he stayed in the car and let them have a little alone-time. They were walking through the busy airport, on time despite Andy’s late arrival. Niall was actually really happy that they had done this small road trip. Niall cursed the time for moving too fast when they arrived at the passport control; because it was only this far that Liam could follow him.

 

“Goodbye Liam” Niall said and wrapped his arms around the brunette. He heard a thump as Liam dropped his suitcase to return the embrace.

 

“Goodbye Niall” Liam whispered and inhaled Niall’s scent. They hugged tightly for a long time, but eventually they had to let go.

 

When Niall had checked in his luggage and himself, he walked into the actual airport. He turned around and saw that Liam waited for him to disappear from his eyesight. He raised his hand and waved. He started to turn around to walk to his flight when Liam shouted for him.

 

“Niall, wait!” Since they were pretty far away from each other Liam had to yell, and the people around them started to look funnily at between the two young men.

 

“What?” Niall shouted back.

 

“That guy you were out with, are you, like…  _dating_?” Liam looked desperate for an answer, and people stared even more. Niall felt a grin tug on the corners of his mouth and let it break out. Was Liam  _jealous_?

 

“No, we’re not! I have someone else in mind” He winked and hoped that Liam had caught the hint.

 

Before Liam could say or do anything else, Niall turned around and quickly walked towards the gate. His heart was beating hard and fast; had he really just kind of told Liam that he liked him?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter might make the last one seem like dafuq, but it will be explained in next

“No, wait! Dumbass!” Niall yelled as he started to run alongside the bus.

“Dumbass! Dumbass, wait! No, stop!” He smashed his hand against the bus window, trying to get the driver’s attention, but it didn’t work. The bus just went right past him and he stopped, trying to catch his breath.

 

“I can’t stand it!” He said and felt tears being to prick his eyes. He had been standing at the fucking bus stop, why hasn’t the damn bus stopped for him?! “I can’t stand it!” He said again and tried to blink away his tears. He wasn’t going to  _cry_ because he had missed his bus, he wasn’t.

 

“I can’t stand it…” he whispered and the tears dried up before they had a chance to fall. Okay, he had missed three buses and it was a cold, early afternoon in the beginning of April. He had tried to convince his brother to drive him to their father’s house, but he had been ‘busy’. Why couldn’t his parents still be married?! It would have made everything so much easier. For example; Niall wouldn’t have to take the fucking dumbass-bus to visit his dad.

 

“Fuck it” Niall mumbled to himself and decided to walk to his father’s home. It wasn’t really  _that_  far away, right?

 

He had been walking for almost 45 minutes when he came to a cemetery. It wasn’t one of those scary ones, this one was filled with early spring flowers and with the bright sunlight shining over the field with tombstones, it looked… cosy. Just almost, though!

Niall quickly looked around the dead street; no cars. So he jumped up on the churchyard wall, and the rock he was sitting on felt like it had been carved out to fit the shape of his arse.

 

He took a deep breath and felt the scent of dirt, moss and some daffodils. He felt the pale sunshine warming his chilly face. He heard the hooting of a cuckoo and high whistles from several tits (It’s a fucking bird, ok? lol). It felt like hours passed, but only for a second.

He felt connected with the world, he felt like  _he was the world._

Niall knew what was happening; he had just taken a moment to himself. He now understood why people were chasing such a thing; it was indescribably wonderful. So peaceful. He could finally breathe for once.

 

Of course, it’s called ‘moment to yourself’ for a reason, that being that it only lasted for a moment. He was brought back to reality by a buzzing in his pocket; his cellphone was vibrating with an arriving call from an unknown number.

 

“Hello?” Niall answered curiously.

 

“Hey, it’s Andy” Niall immediately recognised the voice of Liam’s (and his own) friend.

 

“Hey man, what’s up? How did you get my number?” Niall jumped down from the churchyard wall and continued his walk.

 

“I stole it from Liam’s phone. Listen, I gotta tell you something” Andy was talking fast and his voice was eager.

 

“What?” Niall pressed the phone closer to his ear.

 

“I don’t know if I’m really stupid or if I was just really drunk-“

 

“Probably the latter, mate” Niall cut him off; trying to make him feel better.

 

“Right, anyways, I can’t believe that I didn’t connect the dots until now”

 

“What dots? What are you talking about?”

 

“Let me explain before you start to ask questions! God… well, do you remember when we were at that pub and got really pissed together and you kissed me?”

 

“Yes, yes, of course I remember!” A blush spread its flustering way over Niall’s whole body when Andy mentioned that stupid kiss.

 

“You said that you had been on a failed date and that your friend had friend zoned you, and Liam said that the guy he liked had been on a date with someone else. Do you understand? Liam was talking about you!”

 

“… what?” That was the only thing Niall could ask, stunned. Could it really be…?

 

“I’m not even kidding, Niall! Liam isn’t friend zoning you; he’s in love with you!” Andy spelt it out for him.

 

“Really?” Was he going to trust Andy? But why not? But what if he was wrong?

 

“Yes!” Andy’s voice was filled with assurance.

 

“Are you sure? You’re not just playing me?” Niall was so afraid to believe it.

 

“No, of course not! Now get your ass on a plane back to England before Liam becomes depressed without you” Andy laughed and Niall laughed with him.

He stared up in the light blue sky and laughed, and laughed, and laughed like a maniac. How could he be so lucky?

~~~

Niall didn’t even bother to stop by his dorm to leave his suitcase when he came back to England. He simply told the cab driver Liam’s address and when he arrived he barely had time to pay the driver before he rushed out of the car and up the stairs, towards Liam’s door.

He was gasping for air when he came to a stop in front of Liam’s door and rang the doorbell. He heard steps coming closer and closer, which made him experience a sudden nervousness.

 

“Niall?” Liam asked as soon as he opened the door, and seeing his surprised face made Niall’s heart jump.

 

“I’m sorry if this is a bad time-“ Niall was cut off by the wind getting knocked out of him. Liam had pounced on him and was now enveloping him in a bone-crushing hug.

 

“I’ve missed you so much” He whispered in Niall’s ear, causing chills to run down Niall’s spine.

 

“I’ve missed you too” Niall dropped his suitcase to be able to wrap his arms around Liam’s broad back.

 

“Come in, come in!” Liam let go of him and picked up his suitcase, ushering him inside before he could protest that he could carry it himself.

“Your accent is thicker again, I like it. How was Ireland?” Liam asked while Niall put his coat on a hanger. Liam led the way to the kitchen and Niall followed. Niall had obviously disturbed Liam right in the middle of cooking, but he was sure that Liam didn’t mind. And that he would be invited to share the meal.

 

“Great, it was good to meet the family again… But, eh, Liam, I want to tell you something” Niall sat down at the table and fiddled with his hands, they were damp with sweat. But he had an excuse; he was about to confess his love.

 

“Hm?” Liam leant against the counter, crossing his arms and Niall couldn’t help but notice how grown-up he looked while standing there; towering over him and staring him down.

 

“When I was in Ireland, I was out for a walk and I sat down by a cemetery and I had this moment to myself” Niall smiled up at Liam. People might think it’s weird that they were putting so much weight on one small moment, but they had both worked hard for this.

 

“That is great, Niall!” Liam straightened up with pure excitement.

 

“Yes, it was brilliant. And thank you” Niall steered the conversation in the direction of a confession.

 

“For what?” Liam looked like a small, confused puppy, it was adorable.

 

“I mean, you taught me how to take a moment to myself. I had to be alone to actually do it, but you are still the one who taught me and I think that the reason why  _you_ could teach me is because you are a part of me”

Dead silence. Niall felt his cheeks warm up with a blush.

“Okay, I was trying to be romantic here, but that just came out as cheesy and dumb, I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is that I like you.  _Really_ like you”

Niall closed his eyes in embarrassment. Way to handle things, Horan.

 

“Wow” Liam finally said and Niall instantly opened his eyes and focused on his friend.

 

“Was that a good ‘wow’?” He asked hopefully.

 

“Definitely a good ‘wow’. Niall, why haven’t you said anything?” Liam inquired and pushed himself off the counter. He started to walk towards Niall.

 

“Um… I was scared to screw up our friendship, but then I decided to take a chance. But, eh, how do you feel about this?” Niall’s heart was pounding, hard and fast.

 

“I really like you too” He was standing right in front of Niall now, and he rested his elbows on the table, leaning down. “Can I kiss you?” He asked in a hushed voice.

 

“I’m going to be mad at you if you don’t” Niall smiled, but he was almost having a heart attack. He had waited so long for this.

He felt Liam’s hand slide behind his neck and pull him closer until he felt a pair of soft lips on his. A gentle and sweet kiss. Nothing special, just perfection.


	13. Chapter 13

“And I won’t beback until tomorrow, just so you know” Niall said as he was putting on his shoes.

“Oh, are you getting lucky tonight?” Harry asked and winked suggestively, causing Niall to blush.

He hadn’t told his friends that he and Liam were taking it pretty slowly with the physical affection, even if they had dated for a little more than a month. It had been the happiest month in his life; not only did he have the most wonderful boyfriend is the world, but he had also had a re-connection with his friends as well as becoming great friends with Liam’s best friends Ed and Andy. Andy, who had pretended to be clueless about Liam’s love for Niall when he had called Niall in Ireland, when he really had known all along.

Another thing that brought this month to the top was that Niall’s hair had stopped falling off and he wasn’t stressed out, it was almost scary that his life was so good and that he was so happy. He was secretly just waiting for something to go wrong, which made him slightly anxious, but he tried to not think about it.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when the doorbell rang unexpectedly. Niall looked at Harry, who shrugged.

 

“Maybe it’s Zayn and Louis who forgot the key or something” Harry suggested, since Zayn and Louis had went shopping.

 

“We don’t lock the door when we’re home” Niall reminded Harry with a roll of his eyes as he walked up to the door and opened it. He came face to face with a big cat.

 

“Ed? Is that you, mate?” Niall asked and the ginger-haired top of a head peeked up behind Sufjan that Ed was holding up in eye level.

 

“I need a favour” He announced and Niall sighed.

 

“I would love to help you out, but-“

 

“Please, Niall. I wouldn’t bother you unless I was desperate. I asked Liam first, but he was busy” Ed pleaded.

 

“Who do you think he’s busy with?” Niall asked with a raised eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Oh! Well, shit” Ed said as he realised what Niall was saying. “My girlfriend and I were going to visit her parents and they are allergic to cats, but okay…”

 

“I could watch him if you want” Harry offered and both Niall’s and Ed’s eyes snapped to him.

 

“Really? Thanks, man” Ed smiled and shuffled inside.

 

“I’m Harry” Harry reached out his hand and Ed balanced Sufjan on his hip to be able to use one of his hands to shake it.

 

“I’m Ed”

 

“May I?” Harry asked and stretched out his arms.

 

“Of course. He’s pretty heavy though” Ed dumped Sufjan in Harry’s arms and he almost dropped him.

 

“You weren’t kidding” Harry chuckled and took a steadier grip around the cat. “What’s his name?”

 

“Sufjan. After Sufjan Stevens?” Ed looked curiously at Harry, wondering if he even knew who Sufjan Stevens was.

 

“I have only heard one song with him, but from that I must say he’s good. Are you a big fan?” Harry’s words made Ed’s eye lit up.

 

“Massive” Ed took a deep breath and was just about to start saying something when Niall interrupted.

 

“Right guys, I’m off. See you later” Niall picked up his bags and the others’ farewells echoed through the house as he walked outside. He had only walked for a minute when he turned around and walked back to his house. Ed and Harry were still talking, but both looked up as Niall stepped inside.

 

“Ed, I want to ask you something” He announced and Ed shrugged.

 

“Fire away”

 

“Do you remember that time we met in a club and you thought that Liam and I were together when we weren’t?” Niall didn’t know why he had suddenly remembered this; it had just popped up in his head.

 

“Uh, yeah, I suppose” Ed answered, and Niall was slightly surprised that he remembered too; it was almost half a year ago it had happened.

 

“Why did you think that?”

 

Ed was quiet for a moment; digging in his thoughts.

“I guess it was just the way he had a new light in his eyes. He has been so much more alive since you came around”

 

“Oh… okay. I was just wondering” Niall said goodbye for again and walked out the door. This time he didn’t turn back as he started to long for Liam’s sweet kisses and the way Liam’s arms wrapped around him and made him feel safe. Plus; this was the first time he would sleep at Liam’s flat since they got together, so he assumed that they would sleep in the same bed. Butterflies erupted in his stomach at the mere thought.

 

~~~

 

Niall woke up next morning by sunlight shining in through the window. He wondered for a second where he was, but then he realised that he was in Liam’s bed. A wide smile spread across his face. For a few minutes he just lay there under the fluffy duvet and remembered the perfect date they had been on last night, and how incredible cosy it was to be snuggled up against Liam while sleeping.

He rolled over to wake up his boyfriend, but to his surprise and disappointment Liam was already gone. Niall hesitantly left the bed; it was a bit cold and the floor was freezing, but he marched out to the kitchen only in his boxers anyway. Liam wasn’t there. He took a small trip around the flat; no Liam.

With his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he walked back to the bedroom. He picked up his phone to call Liam and ask him where the hell he was, but as he unlocked his screen a text message from Liam popped up:  _“had to go & buy some food. will be back soon :)”_

Niall smiled at the message; it had been sent ten minutes ago. Maybe that was what had woken him up and not the sunshine.

Since he didn’t have anything to do, he casually started to look around in Liam’s bedroom. He wasn’t really prying; he just found it nice to poke around a little. He found old photos of Liam’s family and couldn’t help but smile at how adorable Liam had been when he was a child. He started to look around in Liam’s bookshelf to see what kind of books his boyfriend enjoyed, but as he took one out to inspect it closer, something fell to the floor with a little ‘clink’. He bent down and picked it up; a key. A small, grey, simple key. He looked around the room to see where it could possibly fit and saw it almost immediately. The middle drawer of Liam’s writing desk that were placed on the opposite side of the window. Should he look what’s inside? Maybe not, considering that Liam probably keeps it locked for a reason… On the other hand, how bad could it be?

Niall walked over to the desk and put the key in the lock, turning and receiving a satisfying click. He opened the drawer, and inside was a shoebox. Niall looked at it for a minute; contemplating if he should take the lid off or not. Maybe Liam would be mad at him for looking… but he wouldn’t be home too soon; the grocery store was pretty far away. With a deep breath, Niall opened the shoebox. The content made him confused. There were several bottles of pills, at least six. He picked one up and read on the label; sleeping pills. Strong ones. He put the bottle down and looked inside the shoebox again; underneath the pills there was an envelope. Worry began to gather in his stomach as he picked it up and opened it. He started to read the letter that was inside.

 

_Dear mom and dad._

_If you read this letter, it’s for one reason. I’m dead._

_I am so sorry that I’ve done this to you, but I just couldn’t stand it. This emptiness inside, this feeling of worthlessness. My life doesn’t matter. It’s the sad truth. But now I’m free and I hope that one day in the far future, I will meet you on the other side. Please know that I love you, and that I’m sorry. Tell my sisters that I love them too. Tell Andy and Ed that they couldn’t have stopped this, as I’ve always pretended to be fine. Don’t blame them, and don’t blame yourself. I took my own life, not you. And not because of you. You have been the greatest parents anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for everything._

_With love, Liam_

It felt as if a cold hand had wrapped around Niall’s heart and was squeezing as hard as it could. It’s a suicide letter. All those pills were meant for a suicide. In the back of his mind he noted that Liam hadn’t mentioned him in the letter, but he barely cared. He was frozen to the spot while his thoughts were running around in his head. He couldn’t form a complete thought; they kept getting interrupted by new thoughts and all of this caused a terrible headache.

He didn’t know what to do; his whole world was crashing down around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m sorry it took time again… and i’m sorry about the sudden turn of the story. I will try to get the next chapter up soon, because I can’t be cruel enough to leave you with a cliffhanger.


	14. Chapter 14

As soon as Niall heard a key rattle in the door lock, he was on his feet and walking into the hall. It was a bit cold, but he didn’t know if it was because the sudden rain that had wiped away the sun outside, or his heart that still felt like an oversized ice cube. Either way, he was shivering when he stood only clad in his boxer briefs in front of Liam. Liam bent down and placed a bag of groceries on the floor, straightened up again and closed the door behind him. He first smiled at the sight of Niall, but any sign if happiness faded and was replaced by worry.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asked and walked further into the flat without removing his shoes or coat. He stood before Niall with his big, beautiful eyes and he was close enough for Niall to feel the scent of damp fabric from his rain-soaked coat.

“This…” Niall breathed out and pushed the letter into Liam’s chest. He had expected himself to scream out the words, but his body wasn’t working right now. It was only aching with worry and agony.

Liam looked at the paper with his eyebrows furrowed in a confused expression, but it didn’t take more than a few seconds before his face softened with realisation.

“Niall…” Liam started with a sad and gentle tone, but Niall didn’t let him get any further.

“Please, Liam! Don’t do it!” It was like someone had turned a tap, because Niall was instantly brought out of his lame state and heavy tears started to flood down on his cheeks.

“You can’t leave me here! I need you… I don’t know how to live without you. I love you, Liam. Please, just please” He begged out and he felt his knees give in beneath him, but fortunately Liam caught his limp body in his arms. Niall gripped handfuls of Liam’s coat and held on to them like it was the only connection to life. But wasn’t that the truth? Liam was his connection to life, and now Liam was slipping away from him.

“I won’t leave you, I promise” Liam’s voice vibrated through his chest and Niall instinctively felt safer, but not for long.

“I-I-I didn’t… And you… Why?” Niall was sobbing uncontrollably; stuttering out words that made no sense and gasping for air with small, sharp breaths.

“Shhh, calm down” Liam soothed with a soft voice. “Let me explain”

Niall nodded mutely and they sunk to the floor together; wrapped in each other’s arms.

“The letter and the pills are old. I was going to kill myself, because I was just so tired of living such an empty life as I did. I didn’t exactly want to die, but I definitely didn’t want to live either…”

“But why-“

“Shhh, let me finish” Liam cleared his throat. “It’s hard to explain how miserable I used to be, because I can barely remember it”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Niall asked with tears still making their slow way down his cheeks. These tears were much calmer than the storm that had burst from his eyes a couple of minutes ago.

“Because…” Liam sighed deeply. “Because it’s you who changed my life. The day we introduced ourselves in the tube, it was the day I had decided that I would… do it. I was actually on my way home right then to take my own life, and engaging in a friendly conversation with you would be my final ‘good deed’, because you looked so sad. Then, however, when you broke down on the pavement and started crying and when I took care of you, I suddenly felt so…  _needed_. So I said to myself that I would delay the suicide for a couple of weeks, until I would’ve gotten you on your feet again. And then I fell precipitately in love with you, and I wanted to live! I feel so alive when I’m with you and I just didn’t want to tell you so that you would stay with me for the sole reason that you feel like you have to”

Niall was speechless for a few moments.

“You mean… That I’ve kept you alive? That I brought you out of your depression?” Niall could barely believe it. Could he, tiny little Niall, really have such impact on another human’s life?

“Yes. You always speak about how I’ve helped you, when in reality it was you who helped me” Liam smiled sweetly and took Niall’s hands in his. Niall looked deep into his eyes and he could almost see the depression resting in there.

“Do you still want to…?” Niall trailed off, silently asking the obvious.

“Sometimes. I try not to think about it, but it’s hard not to when you are used to be in that kind of mindset” Liam admitted and lowered his head like he was ashamed.

Niall wasn’t going to lie. Knowing all of this hadn’t calmed him down at all; it had only made him scared. Terrified of screwing up and awake the consuming emptiness that was sleeping in Liam’s soul.

Niall loosed the grip on Liam’s hand slightly.

“I… Liam, I don’t know how to handle the responsibility of… this. I mean, I don’t know how to have a boyfriend who is suicidal, or how to stand the constant worrying. I won’t be able to love you like I used to if I’m always scared of losing you” Niall hated himself for speaking those words, but he knew that honesty was the only answer. Liam was blinking away some tears that threatened to fall. The whole flat was silent, except for their in-sync breathing, and it was like the air itself had picked up on the sadness.

“I see…” Liam mumbled and refused to meet Niall’s eyes.

“I don’t want to leave you” Niall clarified and let his hand stroke over Liam’s head; the hair was growing out again and it was as soft as a baby’s hair.

“Tell me what I can do to make you stay” Liam brought his own hand up to cover Niall’s and steer it down to his cheek. He turned his head slightly and pressed his lips against the inside of Niall’s hand.

“Seek professional help” Niall whispered and put his forehead against Liam’s; he could feel the warm puffs of Liam’s breath on his lips.

“Of course” Liam sounded so relieved, and he wrapped his arms around Niall, fingers gripping at the bare skin of Niall’s back. The hug that followed was desperate and they were closer than they had ever been before.

It was a strange sight; two lovers sitting on the floor and clinging to each other; one fully dressed in outdoors attire, the other not dressed at all.

And that moment represented what they both knew; it was going to be better from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I excuse the lame ending, I’m very tired… btw, next part should be up soon too, at least this weekend :)


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It’s been a long road with this story. And it ends here. Thank you for reading, and enjoy this last part (that is pretty unedited. Sorry, I’m tired, it’s 03:15 AM)

_Four years later_

"… Suicide is never the answer. Especially if you are young. I think the reason why so many teenagers are depressed and suicidal is that it's the first time in their life that they meet an emotional struggle. Because that's the thing; your life will go up and down for as long as you live. And when you experience it for the first time it might be hard to see the light in the end of the tunnel. A few years ago, I was going to commit suicide. I had all the things I needed and I had written a note. I was on my way home to take my life, when I ran into a boy who seemed to have a hard time as well. So I thought that I would help him as my final good deed. He was sick and his friends were, dare I say it, assholes. I took care of this boy, and suddenly my life had value again. I got out of my depression with his and a professional therapist's help, and I am so grateful for that today. If I had killed myself, I would never have travelled to Mexico and worn a silly sombrero as I was riding a donkey,"

The audience laughed.

"I would never have broken my leg when I tripped over my friend's cat,"

The laughter increased and Liam smiled.

"I would never have found the love of my life and got engaged,"

Liam held up his hand to show the ring and the audience awed.

"And I would never have stood up here and tell you this. What I'm saying is important, because anyone of you might be suicidal. You need to hear me say this; your life is valuable and you are important. It might seem hopeless, but it's going to be okay. You might feel lonely, you might _be_ lonely, but there is always someone who cares about you; a friend or someone professional. It's going to be hell of a struggle, but you will get out of that dark place..."

 

Liam finished up his speech as Niall was standing in the doorway. He had heard Liam's speech before, and though it was slightly different every time, it was always inspiring. He hoped the students in the audience thought that too.

He heard the audience starting to applaud and cheer for Liam, so he joined in while glancing at his watch. They need to leave soon.

When the students had left and Liam had packed all his stuff and talked to some of the teachers, he located Niall and greeted him with a soft kiss.

 

"Hey, did you have to wait long?" He asked with an apologetic smile.

 

"Nah, don't worry about it" Niall shrugged.

 

"So, you're ready to leave?" Liam asked and started to guide Niall towards the exit without a reply.

 

"Your suit and some deodorant are in the car." Niall informed as they walked out of the school and into the blending sunlight.

 

"What would I do without you?" Liam chuckled and ruffled playfully through Niall's blonde locks.

 

"Probably looking through the ads for a personal assistant" Niall said and unlocked the car doors.

 

Liam changed into his suit in the backseat while Niall drove into several misleading shortcuts and they arrived in the last minute.

 

"Sort your tie out" Niall hissed to Liam as they walked into the big room were the party was being held.

 

"Liam, Niall! Just in time!" Harry said with a large smile and ushered them to their seats before he took place on the stage beside Ed.

 

Niall let his hand find Liam's under the table and laced their fingers together. Liam glanced at Niall from the corner of his eyes and tightened his grip around Niall's hand before firing off a blending smile.

 

"Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?" Harry asked into the microphone and everyone in the room shouted 'yes' in unison.

"Right, good! Well, Ed and I would just like to welcome you all to our party. We are so happy that you are here to celebrate the release of mine and Ed's first album; we have worked hard for this,"

 

"Yeah, how much dignity do you have left, Harry?" Ed interrupted and the whole crowd chuckled at the joke.

 

"Close to none." Harry said with an exaggerated wink and the room erupted in laughter once more.

"Anyway, enjoy the buffet and the open bar, and don't make us regret it." Harry wrapped up his speech and he received a round of applause.

 

As Niall was eating like he'd never seen food before, he listened with one ear to the conversation that Liam and the middle-aged woman beside him had just started up.

 

"So, how do you know Ed and Harry?" Liam asked and turned in his seat to be able to face the lady more.

 

"I am their manager." The woman explained with a proud smile and Liam almost thanked her for taking the two boys under her wings. "How about you? How do you know them?"

 

"My fiancé Niall and Harry were best friends, and Ed and I were best friends," Liam said and pointed at Niall with his thumb over his shoulder. "It was actually we who introduced them to each other."

 

"Really? Well, I guess I have you to thank for providing us with this wonderful duo," the woman glanced at Harry and Ed with a fond smile, "so, what do you do for a living?" She turned to Liam again.

 

"I tour around the country and visit schools and other groups to talk about suicide and depression." Liam explained and the woman's eyes widened in surprise and awe.

 

"Really? That's amazing! I think depression is something that needs to be acknowledged more than it is today."

 

Liam and the woman discussed heavily on the topic and their thought surrounding it, while Niall tried to hold a conversation with Harry's 5-year old goddaughter Lux. She was really cute and it made Niall feel a longing to have children himself one day. He glanced over at Liam and his heart filled with overwhelming joy as he thought about their future together. They were already engaged, then comes marriage, then comes kids. Niall sighed contently at the thought and left Lux to her mother to make his way to the bar with a goofy smile on his face. As he stood up, he walked up behind Liam's chair and placed a kiss in his hair.

 

"Oh, hey there beautiful." Liam said and bent his neck backwards to be able to look at Niall.

 

"Hey. I just wanted you to know that I am hitting the bar, so you are driving tonight." Niall said and patted Liam's shoulder. He nodded towards the woman Liam was talking with and mumbled a small 'hello' before he abandoned them to get some alcohol in his blood system.

He ordered a bottle of beer; it was one of those that you just turned the cap off with your bare hands, but of course he couldn't get it off.

 

"Damn..." He whispered under his breath, but in the same moment a familiar hand took the bottle out of his grip.

 

"Let me help you." Niall turned to face Liam just as he opened the bottle with a sizzling noise.

 

"Always with the helping." Niall said and reclaimed the bottle to take a swig from it.

 

"But you know that you were the one who helped me, really." Liam said and placed his hands on Niall's hips.

 

"Getting sentimental?" Niall asked with a raise of his eyebrows and took a step closer to Liam.

 

"A little bit. I was just thinking of everything we've been through together and that I can't ever explain or even understand how much I love you and how much you mean to me." Liam ended his little speech by planting a long kiss on Niall's lips, and when he pulled away he drew a shaky breath. "Kissing you still takes my breath away with awe." He whispered tenderly and Niall rested his forehead against Liam's; gazing into his majestic eyes that held so much passion.

 

"You know, eh, your speech about your life and stuff..." Niall started whispering.

 

"What about it?" Liam whispered back, but Niall almost couldn't get the words out with Liam's eyes looking into his very soul.

 

"I think you should change one thing about it." Niall licked his lips nervously.

 

"What?" Liam asked; ready to take critic but not very keen on the matter.

 

"I think that instead of saying that you're engaged, you should say that you are married." Niall whispered and watched Liam's face carefully for any reaction.

But Liam didn't say anything, he just burrowed his face in the crook of Niall's neck; mumbling "yes" over and over again between small kisses that he placed on Niall's soft skin.

 

"Hey, Niall! How's teacher school going?" Andy asked over Liam's shoulder, but Niall signaled with his hands that he should go away.

 

"What? Is something wrong?" Andy placed a hand on Liam's shoulder.

 

"Not at all, we just wanted this moment for ourselves since we start to plan the wedding tomorrow." Niall quickly explained and hoped that Andy would leave them alone, but of course that didn't happen. The outcome wasn't so bad though;

 

"BRING OUT THE CHAMPAGNE!" Andy shouted and everyone's eyes were suddenly directed towards them.

 

"Uh... We are getting married soon?" Niall said with a questioning tone, like he was unsure of it himself.

The whole room started to cheer and applaud. Ed and Harry hurried up on stage to play them a love song to celebrate.

 

"I think we kind of destroyed their party." Liam giggled in Niall's ear, but when they looked up at their friends, they didn't look annoyed at all. Just genuinely happy, just like Niall and Liam felt.

 

"And maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me..." Liam sang quietly so that only Niall could hear.

 

"Wonderwall" by Oasis was also the first song played on their wedding party, with a deeper meaning than most of the guests understood.


End file.
